Page 8 of Sparks of Insanity
“ItwasGray, actually. He was a little surprised to see me, but I said you’d called and asked me to come over, that uh… that you were upset. I mean, they’d already have known that part, right?”
I nodded. “I need to apologise to them, not that it makes up for what I said, but I need to say it anyway. It’s really not their fault. None of it is. I… I know now that they’re ashamed of me though, and that part’s harder to cope with, but I guess it’s not a surprise. Not really. Who’d be proud of someone like me? I’m a screwup. I’m an uneducated loser, who’s spent more time trying to hurtmyself than I’ve spent uh… not doing that.” Lame. Ethan looked kinda pissed too.
“Uneducated? That’s a bit harsh, Em. I know you’re doing things a little differently to others your age, but you’re taking steps to catch up, and you’ve been through things most people your age can’t even comprehend. So stop with this rubbish. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of the things you work so hard to achieve, because believe it or not, you’re not a loser, and you couldn’t be.”
Oh. He looked at me so sweetly as he spoke, and that led me to do something really stupid, like somehow did I think he was flirting with me?Idiot.
The second my lips touched his, I felt him freeze, his breath shuddering out of him as he pulled back from me.
“Em-”
“Oh god. No, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to… I, oh god. I’m sorry.” He looked horrified, and why wouldn’t he? He was a grown man, and I was his student. His legal, of-age, student, but a kid to him, nonetheless. This wasn’t flirting. He was trying to comfort a messed up loser, and I assaulted him.
Ethan
THE ONLY THING WORSE than seeing her breaking, and denouncing anything about her being of value, was seeing the mortification on her face when she pulled away from kissing me. Yes, it was highly inappropriate, and wrong in every possible way, but part of the problem for me, was fighting the urge to return that damn kiss.
What the fuck was wrong with me? Clearly I was a depraved monster, who deserved to be taken outside and shot!
“No, I’m sorry. I… clearly I must have given a signal that you picked up on, or or… I don’t know…”
“No, it was me. I’m just this lame idiot who… Ethan, you’re the only person I’ve even been close to in years. This was me being a… a… well, clearly not thinking straight or-”
“I think we should go back to you calling me Mr E, Em. This isn’t uh… we can’t blur any lines or boundaries between us, and,” I paused as I got up from the bed, now that she was out of my damn lap. “I… I’m happy to listen and support you, Em, but… but this…”
“Oh god, no, don’t try to let me down easy, this was me being an idiot!”
I caught her by the arms, as she got up from the bed and headed for the door. Why the fuck was I touching her again? A student. My student. You fucking perv.
“Em, calm down. Look at me, please.” Her cheeks were scarlet, and it was blatantly obvious with the black and white makeup half removed from her face. Belatedly, I realised that it was partly because there was a black and white smudge across my cashmere jumper. Fuck. Gee, what did I do up there, Mr Cross? Well, I had your vulnerable daughter in my lap, and yeah, that’s her faceprint on my chest. I’m literally the asshole.
“Eth… Mr E?”
“This is not your fault, do you hear me? You are not to blame. I’m the adult here, and I should know better than to be in your room with you, or be touching you.Icrossed the boundaries here, not you.”
“I climbed on you. I kissed you!”
“Both of which I could have prevented, but didn’t. Please don’t let this be another setback for you, not after what you said on the phone. Promise me you’ll put this out of your mind, and focus on repairing things with your family. You’re doing so well,you’ve been achieving so much lately, so please please don’t do anything that could harm you.”
She nodded, blinking fast against more damn tears.
“Please forgive me.”
“I… there’s nothing to forgive, please, just focus on the good things you have going on, and your family. Fix things. You can do this. I need… I should probably leave, but I’ll be here tomorrow for your lessons as normal. Everything will be fine, okay?”
I got out of there as soon as she promised me she wouldn’t do anything dumb. On my way down the stairs, I was accosted by Gray, who gestured to the study and followed me in, to find Dory already waiting. Gray pushed the door closed.
“Talk.”
Shit, did they know? Had they seen us? I could feel heat in my own cheeks now, as I looked from one of Em’s dads to the other.
“Uh… she seems calmer now, but I’d suggest getting Blaze to call her. That’s who she was trying to call when she misdialled and got me instead.”
Dory frowned. “She didn’t want you then?” Huh, I wouldn’t say that, exactly. I glanced down at the black and white makeup smears on my jumper, and they both followed my gaze with their own eyes.
“Wilma said she peeked in and you were holding her. You were holding Ember,” Gray said in a gruff tone. Was I about to get punched? Wouldn’t I deserve it?
“Uh… she came to me, I swear, and I couldn’t push her away. She’s… I know she’s not keen on being touched, so pushing her away in such a moment would have been bad for her, because it would have made her think she’d done wrong.”
