Page 20 of Sparks of Insanity
I looked up from my plate, shaken from my thoughts.
“Yeah?”
“I was just asking if you want to hang out with me this evening,” mum said as she gestured to my dads, “your dads are taking the boys to see Blaze for a bit, so we could have a girl’s night.”
We hadn’t done that in forever, and maybe my hug with mum earlier had made her feel that things were getting back to the way they were, but strangely, a movie night sounded like it could be fun. We dug out an old favourite of ours,The Princess Bride, and settled onto the sofa with snacks while the men were all out.
While it stopped me from going out to try and see Ethan, it made me feel closer to my mother than I’d felt in several years. Maybe I really was starting to heal after all this time. I didn’t even freak out when we both reached for the chocolate at the same time, and she grabbed my hand instead. I was growing, or maybe it was all a fluke. It just seemed like things were looking up at last.
“I’m off to bed, mum,” I said when the movie finished. My dads were due back any minute anyway, and I really didn’t want to have to deal with Ash when he got home, all smug as usual, especially if he’d managed to get into any kind of trouble. There was always trouble when they were all together, so why should tonight be any different?
I locked my door when I went to bed, and it was only when I was under the covers, with the light off, that I let myself think about Ethan. His smile, the way he’d laugh when I came out with something silly, and it seemed to light up his dark eyes. The way he’d brush his dark hair back when it fell across his forehead. His hands, so strong and masculine, but not in a way that scared me or made me feel threatened.
Nothing about him threatened me. He was safety. Security. Protection. He could be everything I wanted. I pictured him on my bed that day, holding me when I crawled into his arms for comfort. The way his arms felt, wrapped tight around me. The way his lips felt when I kissed him. I knew he wanted me, and I knew he wanted to kiss me back, but my dads were scaring him off.
What if they weren’t here and he was? Would I sit in his lap again? Would he hold me like he did before? Would he gently lift my chin, so he could kiss me? Would his lips devour mine as he held me tight? Would he stroke my thighs as we kissed? Would he ease me out of my clothes, so he could touch my bare skin? I’d let him. I suddenly realised I wanted him to.
He was the only one I wanted touching me, stroking me, caressing me. Kissing me, kissing me in places I never wanted to be touched before. I wanted him stripping me out of my clothes and laying me down on this bed, so he could touch me down there with his fingers, and maybe even with his mouth.
I was feeling that arousal again that I felt before, and this time I didn’t just let it drift away. I wanted more of it. I wanted to feel more intense arousal. I wanted to have what women everywhere had experienced, either by themselves or with lovers. I wanted his hands on me, his fingers in me, touching me, getting me off.
My own fingers drifted down to my shorts, sliding inside them as I reached down to stroke my clit, and found wetness building up and leaking from me, as I thought about Ethan. If I was wetlike this, it wouldn’t hurt, would it? I dragged my fingers through that wetness, sliding them over my clit, my breath catching as a ripple of pleasure licked its way up through me. Wow. Maybe I could make that feel even better.
I teased my fingers back and forth, gasping as more of those little tingles worked their way through me, like little darts of delicious sensation. I wanted more of it, and wished I’d done this before because it felt so amazing.
I firmed up my touch, closing my eyes again and picturing Mr E hovering over me. Ethan.MyEthan. It was his fingers sliding over my clit, circling it, and pressing, and teasing back and forth, letting a deeper sensation build within my core, instead of little tingles, it was more intense, and it was trying to crest.
In my mind, Ethan leaned closer, pressing his lips against mine, then whispering to me.
“Come, Em, show me what a good girl you are for me.” That wave of pleasure suddenly unfurled, rocketing through me, and sending me gasping into oblivion, like a lover’s touch all over my body. My lover. Ethan. I had to make him mine.
Ethan
I WAS ALONE ALL evening, and the frustrating thing is that before, I’d have probably had a drink or two with Suzy, and a little light conversation. The trouble was that she was still dodging me, and ignoring my calls, and I couldn’t bring myself to turn up on her doorstep, because it’d be a real asshole thing to do. I’d be taking away her chance to decide if she wanted to talk to me. I had no idea what the hell I’d done wrong, but she was my usual go to for a chat.
It left me alone with my thoughts, and my thoughts kept going back to one place. One person. Ember. I shouldn’t be thinkingabout her at all. I shouldn’t even be considering thinking about her. She was my student. She was too young for me, and her dads would kill me if I even thought about going there. I was pretty sure they were capable of that.
I poured a final glass of wine, setting the empty bottle aside. Without Suzy’s help, I’d finished the whole bottle, and maybe that’s why my restraint wasn’t quite as strong as normal. Maybe that’s why, when I headed up to bed, I found myself with my phone in my hand, and a porn site loaded up. I needed to jerk off. I needed a fucking release, and then maybe I could put this shit aside and focus on my job. Getting her through her damn exams, and me out of her life.
It was only as I started scrolling for something to watch, that I remembered that damn drawing of hers. Holy shit, when she handed it to me, I swear I was hard in an instant, and thank fuck we were interrupted in that moment, because I’d have struggled to fight my need for her.
I got up and walked naked to the jacket hanging on my wardrobe door. I reached in and dug out the crumpled paper from the inside pocket. I smoothed it out, and groaned again at the ink depiction of Ember in her underwear, reclining in this very sultry pose that I’d never even imagined her in. Now though, it was all I could think about.
I palmed my cock, stroking it lightly as I walked back to the bed, dropping down on top of the covers. This was so wrong. It wasn’t illegal, but it was wrong. I think the ‘not illegal’ part was the only thing keeping me from completely distancing myself from her and her family, and leaving my duties, because at least I wasn’t having these feelings for an under-age girl. It was still bad. Still so fucking bad. It just wasn’t...fuck me.
I stopped stroking my dick and scrunched up the piece of paper. What the hell was I doing? Trying to justify jerking offto a picture of a young woman who was actually my student, definitely vulnerable, and absolutely off fucking limits.
I tossed the paper at the bin, and fell back against the pillows. What the hell kind of depraved asshole was I turning into? I rested an arm over my eyes, groaning with frustration. All I needed to do was get through another week and half of teaching her, and I could get back to being a normal guy, without these twisted desires of mine.
Of course, I slept like shit and when I woke the next day, I found a text message on my phone from Ember.
Em:I know it’s wrong, but I was thinking about you last night, and I started touching myself. I let thoughts of you bring me to pleasure, and it was amazing. I want that for real.
Fuck me! I stared at her text in absolute misery. This meant that she might have been getting off thinking about me, right when I was planning to do the same. It wasn’t right. Jesus fuck, none of this was right.
It was down to me to do something about it. To put a stop to this, before it got out of hand. I think I stared at the message for ten minutes or more, thinking up and discarding message after message, because I had no idea how to respond to her.
It was common sense that told me not to respond to the message in the end. Anything I needed to say had to be in person, because that way there was no damn trail to crucify me with later.
