Page 23 of Sparks of Insanity
“Is she okay?” I demanded, my breath practically choking me as I absorbed what he’d almost said. She tried to hurt herself again, didn’t she? Maybe worse. She hurt herself because of me.
“They caught her before she did herself any harm, but she’s back under the care of a doctor, and her exams have been postponed during her treatment.” Fuck! The one thing I was meant to achieve, and I’d failed her on that too. What the hell was I thinking? Why did I let things go so far?
“She injured her brother in the process too. This is very serious, Ethan. If they could prove anything illegal, you’d be arrested already, but as it is, we have accusations, and a distraught girl who one could argue might have been mistaken about your behaviour.”
I couldn’t help feeling protective over her, because it hadn’t been completely one-sided, had it? I had been interested, I had given off signals I should have done my best to prevent, and this was the outcome. All I had to fucking do was keep things professional. I should have put a stop to things after that first hug, and that accidental kiss. I should have called her on the vandalism, and the picture I should have torn up right in front of her, instead of keeping like some creeper.
“She’s a good kid, Clive. Smart as fuck, and she’s been through hell. Don’t go doing anything that makes her look like the bad guy here. It’s absolutely my fault. All I had to do wasnip this in the bud before it got out of hand, but I kept letting things slide, because she was coming out of her shell.”
“A shell you might now end up locked in.”
It only took a roll of my eyes and Clive nodded.
“Yeah, it wasn’t the best analogy, but the fact remains that you’re on suspension without pay until we come to a resolution on this matter. Your other potential students are being redirected to other tutors, and right now I don’t know if there will be a role for you to return to, even if this is all disproved. Even rumours about these kinds of things can destroy a career, as you well know.”
I stood up, pacing his office, and wondering if it’d be the last time I ever saw it. My dream job, years of hard work, and it was all being taken from me in one fell swoop.
“So I just go home and wait for updates?”
He lifted his hands helplessly. “I have nothing further to offer you, Ethan. I wish there was an easy solution, but a vulnerable female student making claims about this kind of thing is as serious as it gets, aside from hard proof to go with it. I’ll try and check in weekly with you, but be prepared for this to take a while. You’ll also have to be interviewed by the board as part of the process, so make sure you’re clear on everything that happened, and if you have any evidence that can disprove any of this, make sure you don’t hold it back.”
Great. So after heading home, I sat on my sofa in silence, wondering what the fuck to do with myself now. Part of me was kicking myself for broaching the subject the way I did, by reaching out to Wilma Cross, but what other way was there?
Em’s actions had been escalating, and it wouldn’t have been long before someone caught her with me in some way that could be misconstrued, even if I was entirely innocent.
I sighed, leaning back on my sofa, my head on the cushioned back. I wasn’t innocent though, was I? Maybe that was the worstpart of all this. I let my feelings for her taint my behaviour, because I should have stopped her, but I kept allowing her to get closer to me, and what did I really think would come of it? Romance? A relationship? A future?
I was an idiot, and I was paying the price for my bad choices. I just wished she didn’t have to as well.
14
Ember (now eighteen)
Iwas reeling fromthe last couple of weeks, losing Mr E, losing my marbles, as far as my family were concerned, and having mandatory psychiatric intervention again, after yet another ‘suicide attempt’ even though I hadn’t even made it that far.
I did finally pass my exams, but my family was still pissed about Mr E, and concerned about my mental health after his impact on me. Those were their words; ‘his impact on me’. I only wish there had been some ‘impact’ before he was taken away from me.
I knew my dads had reported him, and tried to lose him his job, but I had no idea how any of that had played out in the end, because I’d been left out of any conversations, and caught eavesdropping enough times that they just weren’t talking about it anymore.
I tried looking him up, but suddenly there were parental controls on my technology, plus they’d made him block my number, and they’d deleted his from my phone, and… well, that meant the only thing I had was his address, right? Was he still living there? Could I find him? I needed to talk to him, because I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
All I did was think about him, and it didn’t matter where I was, or what I was doing, he was always on my mind. Sometimes I’d want to tell him something I’d seen or heard, because I knew it’d make him smile, or laugh. Sometimes I just wanted to feel his arms around me again.
I was furious with my parents for poking their noses into my relationship, or budding relationship, and separating me from the only man who’d ever made me feel safe and interested in him.
Before Mr E, beforeEthan, my only experiences of anything remotely sexual had been forced attempts on me, by that asshole at the first senior school I went to. He wasn’t the only one who touched me, or taunted me, but he was the one who’d forced me on my knees to suck him, and the only one who’d molested me physically. He’d made me believe that it was all I deserved, that his touch was my punishment for being who I was.
I knew he was gone now, dead, because Blaze had made sure to wipe all of those assholes from existence, but it didn’t make the memories or the horror go away. The only thing that had made it seem possible, was Ethan. I needed him like I needed oxygen, and I was done with letting my parents make these decisions for me.
“Where are you going?” Mum asked as I stepped out of the house, with the keys to her car, because god forbid I get my own anytime soon.
“I was just going to get some fresh air, and some peace. It’s chaos in there,” I said, pointing behind her, because quitehonestly with my dads and brothers watching sports on TV, it was noisy as hell. My dads hadn’t even been into sports, until Ash made it onto a local junior football team, and now they were always watching that stuff with him, and Cole and Nix just joined in because it was a boy thing, I guess.
“I could come with you,” mum offered, and I groaned, holding her keys out to her.
“Either you trust me to drive on my own, or you don’t. Which is it?” I knew she didn’t trust me to be out alone, but more than that, I knew she didn’t trust me to stay away from Ethan, but I was eighteen fucking years old and it was my choice, right?
“You know that’s not why I suggested it, Ember. I miss spending time with you, and now your studies are over, we could spend more mother daughter time together. Don’t you want that too?” Damn her and her guilt tactics. I knew she truly did want that, but I also knew she was trying to keep me from doing my own thing, and I was desperate to get away.
