Page 39 of Sparks of Insanity
“Em, you’re literally killing the last of what’s good inside me. I don’t think there’s any turning back for me, and the last of my willpower is fucking disappearing by the second.” She moved, her hips tilting slightly to drag her pussy against my cock. I don’t think she intentionally did it, but it felt fucking good.
“Fine. I’m going to fuck you until I come inside you, Em. I promise I’ll try to make it good for you.”
She wrapped her hands around my arms again, a fierce look on her face.
“Fuck me, Ethan, please.”
I’m undone. I dragged my hips back, watching her face as I pushed in deep again, and she winced, biting her lip. The next time I did it, more tears dripped from her eyes, but she tightened her grip on my arms.
I was beyond turning back now, sliding my hands under her shoulders, so I could hold her tighter against me, my hipsstarting to move faster. Every glide of my cock inside her was like fucking heaven, the tight wet glove of her pussy clenching around it, driving me to go faster, harder, pushing for more, wanting everything from her.
She started to tense up on me again, and I had no trouble following her directions from earlier because this time I was so fucking close, so into it, so fucking deep inside her, that there was no stopping. If she hadn’t given me that directive, then of course I’d have found a way to stop, but she didn’t want that. She wanted me to fuck her to completion, and that was what I was going to do.
She started digging her fingernails into my arms, and the bite of pain gave me another kick of adrenaline, another edge to my pleasure, and I surged deeper in response. Em yelped, pushing at my arms again, and that’s when my inner asshole really took over. I caught her hands in mine, pinning them against the mattress, so I could fuck her without interruptions, without her slowing me down, my hips crashing against hers over and over, as I used her sweet little hole to get off.
She was crying again by the time I rammed deep one final time, filling her with cum, as pleasure roared through me, and I buried my face in her neck, groaning through my climax.
“Fuck…”
Ember was still crying quietly, her body shuddering with each sob. I didn’t get her off. I’m such an asshole, because the least I could do was make it pleasurable for her.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. Would you like me to get you off now?”
She started slapping at me as soon as I released her arms, so I pulled back, and carefully eased my cock from her cum-filled pussy. There was something oddly satisfying about seeing it dripping from her no-longer-virgin hole. Before I could touch it, which was suddenly a compulsion I wanted to follow through on, Ember curled up in a ball on her side, sobbing again.
Reality crashed into me like a fuckton of bricks. That wasn’t how she should look after her first time. Did I hurt her more than necessary? Jesus, did I just rape her?
23
Ember
Iached everywhere; Iwas sore inside and out, and I had no idea if it would have been that way if the circumstances had been different. Why was I crying so hard?
I’d asked him to, begged him even. I’d wanted this done, and my virginity gone. Gone by my choice, with the man I wanted it to be, so why did I feel like my heart had just been broken?
“Em,” Ethan whispered, wrapping a blanket around me, and trying to push my hair back to look at my face.
“Leave me alone,” I hissed, burying my face in the blanket and hiding from him. It was childish, and cruel, but I had to reconcile things in my own mind, before I could talk about this.
He hadn’t done anything I hadn’t wanted, or asked him to do, but somehow it still felt like a betrayal, like he’d taken it against my will. How was that possible? Was I just so fucked up that I couldn’t seem to tell the difference between what I wanted, and what I felt I’d been pushed into?
“Em, please. Talk to me. Yell at me. Hit me. Just don’t push me away and lay here alone. It isn’t what you need right now.” Ethan stroked my hair, and I pulled away from him.
“Stop touching me. Just get away from me!” I screamed, going straight into defensive mode, into the ‘I don’t want to be touched’ mode. Into ‘the only way I can protect myself, is to curl inward and hide from the world’. I backed away from him, falling into a crouch on the opposite side of the bed, dragging the covers with me.
Ethan dragged his hands down his face, and I could see his cheeks were wet again. I’d hurt him while I made him hurt me, and yet I couldn’t find it in me to try and comfort him right now, because I was too conflicted and messed up. I needed time to think.
“Please, just let me be alone for a bit, Ethan. I need…” I stared at my trembling hands. “I need some time, that’s all. You… you only did what I asked you to do.”
“DID I?” He practically roared at me. “Then how come I feel like a fucking monster?” He charged out of the room, the door slamming so hard, it made me jump, and then I curled up again on the floor, in the corner of the room, letting the sorrow and shock wash over me, because I had to clear my own head before I could help him clear his.
I heard a further slam from downstairs, the front door? Did he leave? Did he leave me alone? I know I literally just asked for peace, and alone time, but did he leave me here? Was he coming back? What if he did something stupid, because I’d pushed him past a limit of his own, while I forced him to crash through my own boundaries?
He was right though, and it hit me just after that second door slammed, that being alone was absolutely not helping me. I needed to know that someone was there, especially if that someone was him, although oddly I also kinda yearned for mymum right now. She’d know what to say, how to help. She’d understand why I pushed things that far, that I needed to reclaim myself, and stop letting fear rule me.
Mums always know this stuff. Always know what to say, and when a hug is needed. Before my senior school hell, I always turned to her for advice, spent as much time with her as possible really, because she was my best friend. Right now, I needed that friend. Right now, if I hadn’t smashed my phone, I’d be calling her, crying over the phone, and begging her to say the things that would help me get my head straight again.
There was something else that used to help, after my life went to hell, and I couldn’t be close to anyone again. Something that dulled the pain, and lifted me out of the craziness of my mind.
