Page 65 of Ryder
Ryder turned on his bed to sit facing me, his hair sticking up at a funny angle, his eyes wide and alert.
“Do you remember us coming for you, Tori? We got you out of there, and brought you home to our clubhouse.”
The bikers. His brothers. It was coming back slowly.
“Oh. Yes… My god, I’m sorry. I was… I had a bad dream… and then you were touching me… and I didn’t know it was you.”
He groaned, dropping his head and trying to stifle a yawn.
“I’m sorry, darlin’. I tried to keep my distance, but I guess, in my sleep, I needed to be closer to you.”
He moved to the edge of the bed, easing his legs over the side, and leaned his elbows on his knees.
“Tori, I’ll say this as many times as you need to hear it. You’re safe with me. I’m not gonna hurt you, or touch you without yourpermission, and that goes for everyone here. Nobody is gonna do anything to you.”
“Why?” It didn’t make sense. Some of them had to know who I was. What I’d done. In the back of my mind was this voice that liked to point out now and then that I’d killed a man, while I was raping him. It was horrific. It would have been almost poetic to have died at Dom’s hands. I just knew he’d have made sure it hurt. Maybe I could still find a way to make it all stop.
“Tori, are you listening?” Ryder had clearly still been speaking while I was lost in my thoughts.
“I’m sorry.” I tried to focus on him, and saw that he looked frustrated again, and tired. Exhausted even.
“You have to stop apologising. Don’t take the blame for what he did. That’s on him, and you know what? He died for it, so let’s move on, yeah? Can I help get you up from the floor there? You’ll be more comfortable on the bed, or a chair, if uh… if that feels safer… I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here, darlin’. I’m trying to help, but I don’t know what might… I could call Has-Been, if you like?”
I shook my head vehemently. He was the big guy from yesterday, and he’d been kind and softly-spoken, but he was still too intimidating.
“No.”
Ryder leaned his chin on his hand.
“He’s safe, remember?”
I pulled at the t-shirt, trying to hold it away from me, because it had started to pinch at my skin again.
“He’s too big.Scary.”
“Well, I mean… he’s alright. He’s not all that. But look, there was a reason I kept him with us, when we found you. He… uh…he understands.”
I opened my mouth to yell at him, to tell him that nobody could possibly understand. How could some biker guyunderstand? The irony hit me then that I’d be yelling it at a man I’d done that to, but he was right in one sense; it wasn’t exactly the same. His body hadn’t been violated in the same kind of way, but… he said the other guy understands. Only someone who’s been there, like I’ve been there, would truly understand.
“Oh. Oh god. No, I… I don’t want anyone else in here.” My voice was almost a whisper now, and I still hadn’t agreed to moving from my spot on the floor against the wall, where I could see if anyone came in.
“Do you need the bathroom?”
I did, but I shook my head. I just didn’t want to move. Ryder grimaced then.
“You gonna mind if I go take a leak? I’ll be quick, but… you know, you’re close to the room. You might hear me.”
Somehow I giggled, and then I frowned.
“Don’t make me laugh.” He’d smiled at my laugh, but his face dropped again.
“I was actually just trying to be honest. I don’t know… like a polite reminder. You want me to take the long way around, so you can get to the bed, while I’m out of the way?”
I glanced around the room again, making sure nobody could sneak in, and then I nodded. Ryder turned and rolled off the opposite side of the bed, standing up and making his way around the bed slowly, so I could get up and be out of the way before he reached the bathroom. I pulled the covers back around me.
Ryder stopped at his dresser, and dug out a clean t-shirt, tossing it onto the bed.
“Just in case you want that bloody top off.” He disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind him, and I hurriedly shed the t-shirt, and slipped the fresh one on. The one I’d removed had dried blood in random patches, and some fresh blood too. I was still holding it when he reappeared.
