Page 107 of Ryder
“It’s messed up, brother. I get that you probably feel like this is the only way you guys can be together, but it’s dangerous. Every time you get dosed with this shit, it could do damage. Every time she puts you out, and you have no idea what’s happened to you, it’s going to have an effect.”
“So I get a bit sick after, Has. I’m man enough to put up with that. For her, I’ll do whatever it takes.”
He frowned. “You’re taking…willinglytaking… a chemical that messes with your brain, your body, and your consciousness. You think that won’t have long term effects? You might think right now that you can take it, but what if five times starts causing mental damage, or ten times…Jesus. What if one day you just don’t fucking wake up? What then?”
He wasn’t saying anything that hadn’t run through my mind already. I knew it was dangerous. I knew it could do long termharm. It was just that I’d weighed up those risks against losing her, and I realised that I cared more about her, than I did about my own sanity. Jesus fuck. That’s what I decided?
“You’re seeing it now, right? It’s… you have to stop this.It’s insanity.”
Tori snuggled her face into my chest, and her fists gripped my t-shirt. I heard her apologising, in a soft voice, over and over.
“Babe, you stop that right now. Don’t listen to them.”
She was shaking her head, but I didn’t care. This wasn’t something for her to apologise for.
Torch sat right on the edge of the sofa, leaning closer to us.
“If anyone else finds out about this, all hell is gonna break loose, you get that right?”
I glared at him. “You really think that didn’t occur to me? I know it’s… unconventional, but if this is what we need, then that’s our fucking business. We’re not hurting anyone. We’re not hurting each other. It may not always be like this, but if it is, then I’m fucking fine with that. Tori is who I choose, regardless of this, regardless of who her fucking father is, and I’m counting on you two bastards to have my damn back on this. Just like you know I’d have yours.”
They both looked unsure, but were nodding.
“We do.”
“Of course we do, but we need to make sure that we’re not just helping you two hurt each other. You know if it goes to shit, then it’s on us, because we knew about it. It’s on Ice too, that annoying motherfucker.”
“I like Ice,” Tori whispered, making me chuckle.
“Don’t worry, baby.You’ll get over it.”
Thirty-Three
His brothers were right.He was taking a dangerous risk, by trying to give me what I needed. It wasn’t fair to keep doing that to him. I just didn’t know if I could manage to walk away. He was everything to me. It had happened pretty suddenly, but I knew it was real. The real thing.
After they left, Ryder got a call from his President, and had to go see him. He promised me he’d be as quick as he could, but some alone time, after that awful discussion, was actually a good thing. Suddenly I was able to see clearly;I WAS harming him, and I had to leave. The longer I stayed, the more harm I’d do to him.
When he was just a nameless, faceless victim, it was easy. He was just a body to play with, and then I never had to think of him again. I didn’t have to care how he felt about it. I didn’t have to care about the effects of the drug on him, or how he’d feel when he realised what I’d done to him.
But this… this was the worst thing I’d done to him. The worst thing I could do to him. Messing with him in that way?Allowing him to subject himself to being drugged by me. It was dangerous, and if his President found out? If anyone outside of his group of brothers found out? He’d be ruined.
I wouldn’t have long, but having no guard on the door was a luxury that I had to take advantage of. I found a backpack in Ryder’s wardrobe, and I threw a few clothes into it, some toiletries, and other odds I couldn’t do without, and then I headed for the door.
I peeped into the hallway, and there was nobody in sight. Were they all in some meeting? What was it called? Church? I made it all the way down to the bar before I bumped into anyone.
“You okay, Tori?” Tommy, the young guy wearing a Prospect cut was watching me.
“Yeah, uh… just popping outside for a bit. I need fresh air.”
He nodded, not missing the backpack on my shoulder, I’m sure.
“I’ll come with you. Ryder’s in with the Pres at the moment.”Shit.
I shook my head. “I’m fine. I… I haven’t been alone in a while, I just need some quiet, you know… girl reasons.” What the hell am I saying? That made no sense, but he grimaced anyway, and waved me on. I hoped the poor guy wouldn’t get into any trouble over this.
Making it outside was easy, but leaving the compound wouldn’t be as simple. The gates were closed, and there were two prospects monitoring them. As I approached, I saw the one who’d let me in that night, leaning against the gate.
“You’re Tori, right? Ryder’s old lady?” I sighed, wishing that I could say yes, and actually mean it.
