Page 110 of Reacher
“He doesn’t want anyone here to know. Not right now. I’m uh, I’m gonna go with him to see a different doc. It’s too… it’s not something… Jesus, I feel like this is the one thing we can’t fight, you know? And it’s Stitch. He’s like my fucking brother, and he… he’s been trying to deal with this alone, because of all my shit, and it… I let him down, that’s what it comes down to. I fucking left him to cope alone. He shouldn’t have had to deal with this shit by himself.”
“Reacher, you couldn’t have known.”
“I should have,”he practically snapped the words, and then instantly apologised, pressing his lips against my fingers.
“He doesn’t even have anyone to turn to. His sister is younger than him, and he won’t want to burden her. He doesn’t have a partner, he doesn’t have… not like I have you, he has nobody. Who can he turn to? Who’s gonna hold him up through this? Especially when he wasn’t gonna tell anyone.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, and took a breath, which sounded shaky as hell, and broke my heart a little more.
“He’s so fucking young, Ally. This shouldn’t be happening to someone so fucking young.” His breath hitched, and he covered his face with one hand.
“Let it out, Reacher. You take on so much for everyone here, and this is the worst. Something nobody should have to go through, but you’re gonna be strong for him, like you are foreveryone. That means you have to let it out when they can’t see. When you’re with me, and you can let that guard down, and just be fucking human, you can stop being strong. I’m here for you, Reacher. I love you.”
The next word from his mouth was obliterated by the sob that gushed out of his chest, and then he was burying his face in the bedding, my hand trapped beneath it, as he let out probably a decade’s worth of pain, and fear, and suffering. As much as it was devastating to witness, and had me crying right along with him, I was pretty sure it’d also do wonders for his stress levels.
Reacher
Shesaidalltheright things, and she made me let it all out like a fucking child. I felt so fucking humiliated, and ashamed of myself. Crying it out like it was my horror to cry about, like it was my privilege to let out emotions, when my fucking brother, my best friend, was the one living in the worst hell I could imagine.
How long had he been living with this fear? How long ago did he find a fucking lump in one of his balls, and try to justify ignoring it? How long ago did he feel that icy cold chill of terror run down his spine, when he realised there was something that didn’t belong. Something that shouldn’t be there?
Ally stroked my head while I finally let my mind race through all of the horrors that poor Stitch must have already considered, in the days or, god help him, weeks since he discovered it. We’d never discussed thewhenof it all.
And he didn’t cry, at least not in front of me. He was on the fucking edge, but he fought his way back, and me? I cried like a fucking baby, right in front of my old lady, no less.
“Reacher?”
Hell. She’d want me to look her in the eye, and I didn’t have the courage. She’d watched me break down, and now she’d know that I was weak enough to fall apart like that. What a catch, right? Too old, with a dodgy ticker, and now she’d think I was a total pussy too.
“Reacher, dammit!”
I lifted my head, rubbing at my eyes, trying to hide the evidence of my mental collapse, even though it was obvious in everything she’d just seen and heard. Hell, my head throbbed in time with my pulse too.
“What?”
“Stop hiding from me. You did the right thing. Letting it out now means you can go back to being strong and stubborn, and all the things that make you Reacher, but it needed to happen. So don’t go getting all aloof and assholey, now that you feel embarrassed. There is NO shame in feeling things.”
I swallowed, kissing her fingers once more, before I sat up properly.
“That’s not something I normally do, woman, and I feel weak for doing it. Even more than that, I’m ashamed because this is Stitch’s problem, and I don’t have a right to behave like this.”
“Like hell you don’t! He’s your brother, uh… from another mother… is that the right expression? You guys have taken this club and made it a good place, with good people, and now those good people need to support both of you. They take enough from you. It’s time they give back.”
Jesus. If I didn’t answer very carefully, she’d go on a fucking rampage, and piss off the club even more than she already had, and I wanted them to accept her, not resent her.
“Listen here, woman-”
“You did NOT just use that tone with me.”
“For the moment, this is Stitch’s business, and nobody else’s. We need to let him decide how he deals with it. We need to support him when he asks for it, and because I know he’s a stubborn ass motherfucker, who won’t ask until he’s losing his shit, I’m gonna be his fucking rock until he has the balls to ask…fucking hell. I didnotjust say that. What’s wrong with me? I’m gonna say stupid stuff, and it’s gonna be like kicking him right where it fucking hurts.”
Her face fell, as she picked up the one thing I meant to not tell her.
“No wonder he’s freaking out. He’ll be seeing some stigma where there is none. My god. Okay, here’s what we’ll do. We get me out of here tomorrow. I’ll stay on bed rest like a good fucking patient, and Tori can help me out. You do whatever Stitch needs. And don’t leave him alone for long periods. He’ll dwell on things, and drive himself insane.”
Smart woman. If only I could make the stupid bastard behave smartly too. If I had to drag him to a doctor tomorrow, that was exactly what I’d do.
Thirty-Nine
