Page 54 of Reacher
Why was it so hard to make a decision about him, and stick with it? I’d wanted nothing more than to stay with him, if I could just keep everything else away, but he’d been the one to give up on me, and it had been devastating.
He was asleep in the chair, his head low against his chest. He looked peaceful and relaxed, but then he didn’t have anything to fear, did he? He didn’t have to deal with the loss of him. He didn’t have to deal with the people coming for me.
In fact… staying in one place had always been a bad idea. It wasn’t any better an idea now that I was injured. Those bastards. I wanted to punch those two mob assholes. That’s what they were. I’d figured it out. Mob. Mafia. Something like that. Reacher really had connected the MC to the mafia.
I didn’t have any tubes in my arm, so no beeping machines, and nothing to stop me sneaking away, before Reacher awoke. What was there to say anyway? I carefully eased myself out of the bed, and was relieved that the room was no longer spinning like a goddamn drunken disco.
Reacher didn’t move, or wake, so I started towards the door, planning to go straight to his room to grab my things, so I could run again.
“You’re just going to sneak out on me?” His voice was low, but in the silence of the room, it felt almost deafening. I turned to look at him. He’d woken after all, and I was an idiot to think I could just sneak away.
“Why shouldn’t I?”
He groaned, pushing up from the chair, and stretching his back.
“Bloody things aren’t meant for sleeping in.”
He wouldn’t even answer my damn question? Screw him. I turned away and headed for the door again, but he moved faster than I’d expected, catching my arm as I reached for the door handle. His touch was gentle. A light grip.
“Please, Ally. Can I at least tell you how sorry I am?”
I looked at him over my shoulder, my hand still moving, until I gripped the handle.
“What good would it do, Reacher?”
He sighed, but he moved closer.
“I was an ass, I know. You didn’t deserve that. I was a dick.”
“Keep going.”
He grinned, a tiny twitch of his lips.
“I was a pussy. A bitch. A pathetic little shit. All I had to do was talk to you. All I had to do was give you a chance to explain, but I was hurt, and I lashed out. I was a prick.”
I pulled free of his hold, but released the door handle too, so I could turn to look at him. He looked tired. So tired. I wanted togive in and let him get some rest, but he’d lashed out when he’d been hurt, and I’d been left alone.
“You threw me out with nothing, Reacher. Not even a chance to talk to you. Not even a chance to defend my actions. They were stupid, I know. Their reasons were selfish, but mine weren’t. I wanted to help a friend, and I wanted to protect another. I would have told you. I just… I needed time to work out how, and instead I was tossed aside, without a second thought.”
Reacher cursed, stepping closer again, making me back up to the door.
“You think it was an easy decision? You think I just shrugged and said, ‘fuck it, I’m done’? It was agonising. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made, and yeah it was stupid as fuck. I’m human, and sometimes I mess things up. More often when it’s my personal shit, and I’m trying to make up for that.”
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to agree, but what if a day or so from now, he did it again?
He reached for my cheek, and I batted his hand away.
“No, Reacher. It’s not that easy. Do you know where I slept last night? Do you even care?”
His hand hovered in mid-air for a moment, then he lowered it again.
“Of course I care, woman. You should have been in our bed beside me. I fucked up. I’m sorry, Ally. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I had to break into an abandoned building. I had to sleep on a cold floor, like a fucking homeless person. I had to break into a place, and then sleep there, knowing that the place wasn’t secure, and someone else could get in too. I barely slept. I was so afraid. I was alone and afraid, Reacher, until I finally cried myself to sleep.”
“Jesus.” He looked horrified.
“Yeah. You did that to me, Reacher. So tell me how I’m supposed to just shrug it off, and forgive you. Tell me how I’msupposed to trust that you won’t do it again. That you won’t suddenly change your mind about me, and throw me away again. I have nothing, Reacher. I have nothing, and I’m… I need to leave this town. I need a fresh start. I need a life. A job. A way to support myself. I can’t let myself be alone, and broke again.”
