Page 15 of Ice
“Ice, don’t say that about yourself. You’re clearly a good guy. You have a whole club wanting to see you get better, remember? I’ve seen two of your brothers now, waiting for you while you talk to me. They don’t do that out of obligation. They do it because they care.”
I heard a strange sound then. A hitched breath. A hissed sound. A quiet curse.
“I need to go.” His words were shaky, broken.
“Ice, please don’t go. Please, stay with me.” He was upset. The thought that he’d broken down, right now, when he was alone, tore through me like a knife. He shouldn’t be alone. He should have someone to hold him.
“Please.” His voice was a whisper, and those quiet gasps, of the despair he was trying to hide, were making me want to cry too. He wasn’t the first to cry in front of me, but it was the first time that it had hit me this hard. Like watching someone I love in pain. And I couldn’t even see him. Only hear it. And that was hell.
“Ice… take a deep breath. Everything you’re feeling, everything you’re going through, it’s all expected. It’s not pleasant, and it’s not easy, but it’s part of the journey. You’re going to scream, and yell, you’re going to cry, you’re going to hate everything and everyone. But eventually, you’ll start to appreciate things. Little things. And then bigger things. It’s not something that happens fast, but I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
He’d fallen completely silent by the time I stopped speaking. I even lifted the phone from my ear, to see if the call had ended.
“Ice?”
He let out a heavy sigh. “I fucking wish you were with me right now. I feel like a pussy for saying it, but I’d kill for a fucking hug right now. From anyone, but mostly, from you. Because I feel like you’d mean it, in a way others wouldn’t. Fuck me. I’m babbling at you. First I cry like a little bitch, and now I’m… I sound like a teenager. I sound like a fucking teenager, hitting on some girl, and failing miserably. I’m sorry. This isn’t fair of me to take up your free time like this.”
The words were out before I could stop them.
“I wish I was there with you too.”
We both fell silent, while I tried not to panic. I really said that, and I couldn’t take it back.
“You do?”
“I… I shouldn’t have said that. It’s unprofessional. It’s… I’m sorry, Ice.”
He sighed. “It’s okay. I get it. You’re tired, and you need rest. Probably got a pissed-off husband beside you, wondering what the fuck is going on. Thanks for the talk, doc. I… I hope you get some sleep now.”
“WAIT! Wait, Ice…”
He let out a breath, but didn’t hang up.
“Ice… I uh… nope, no husband. No anyone. Just me.” Why was it so important that I tell him, before he ended the call? Why did it matter?
He moved again, that rustling sound in the background.
“Uh… I don’t know what to do with that information, doc.” My face burned with embarrassment. Now I sounded like a pathetic schoolgirl with a crush, and I shouldn’t have a crush on him.
“I uh… I just wanted you to know that you’re not disturbing anyone else. I… goodnight, Ice. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Night, doc.”
The call ended, and I just slithered back down into my bed, feeling every nerve ending practically tingling, as I replayed what he said. The way his voice sounded when he said it. ‘I fucking wish you were with me right now.’ How he said a hug from me would mean more. I curled up on my side, and tried to imagine how it would feel to hold him in my arms, and more importantly, feel those strong arms around me too.
Eight
Theweekendwasquiet,boring even. I spent a little time with my brothers, trying to pretend that every single minute wasn’t a fucking struggle, and I went to bed Sunday night actually excited to see Dr Chase the next morning. Not because it could help me with the hell I was in, but because I wanted to see her. How fucked up was that?
So when I headed down in the morning to find out who was driving me to my appointment, I quickly realised that something was going on.
Reacher was yelling at someone, and brothers were scrambling out on bikes.
“What’s going on?” I stepped up beside Reacher, and he cursed.
“What else? A whole mess of crap that we have to drop everything to resolve.”
I looked around me, realising pretty much everyone was gone all of a sudden, except us. And I had no idea what had happened, because nobody was telling me a damn thing.
