Page 54 of Ice
“The place was disgusting. Full of fucking people off their faces. We dragged them out, and torched the place. Well… you know, Torch did. Some of them fought back, but it didn’t do them any good.”
“Why are you helping me?”
Has-Been sighed, tapping his fingers on his thigh.
“It seemed like she was helping you, until, you know… the literal shitshow last night, and she was heartbroken, man. I can’t handle seeing a woman that upset. You’d know that about me if you’d ever tried to get to know me. I’m all for helping love find a way.”
“Love?” I felt something, but it wasn’t the panic I’d expected to feel, as a follow-up to that word. Warmth. I felt warm inside. What the fuck… I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
Has was watching me. “So do you want to, or not?”
I stared at him for a moment, taking that long to catch on to his point.
“Oh… yeah, if… uh… that’d be good, thanks man.”
He nodded, digging his phone out of the front pocket of his cut.
“I’m gonna go grab a couple of coffees from downstairs, to give you some privacy. How do you drink it?”
It was sad to think that we’d been ‘brothers’ for almost a decade, and didn’t know the simple things about each other. He was right that I’d never taken the time. Was that really all on me? Had he been trying, and I’d pushed him away? And if so, what the fuck for? I told him my coffee order, and he grinned, shoving the phone at me.
“Take your time. I have a feeling I’m gonna get delayed down there for at least twenty minutes.”
He reached the door before he turned back.
“If you’re gonna jerk off though, can you try not to spunk on my phone?”
I flipped him off as he left, but I was laughing. How the fuck I was laughing, with all that had gone wrong, I had no idea.
I stared at the phone for a good five minutes, trying to gather up the courage to call her. To speak to her. To risk her anger, and her pain, and maybe even the words ‘go to hell’. What could I offer her really? Not a future. Not any kind of financial support, or probably even adequate emotional support. I thought back to before I fucked things up. How it felt to have her in my arms, to comfort her as she cried. I could at least offer that, right?
I found her name in Has’s phone, which he’d removed the passcode from, if he even used one, like he knew I’d dither long enough for the phone to lock.
“Has-Been?” Lissa’s voice was soft, and kinda breathy, which rubbed me the wrong way immediately. What the fuck had they been up to that left her answering a call to him like that? She sounded all sultry and fucking horny.
“Sorry to burst your bubble, darlin’. It’s only me.”
She let out a gasp, and then there was a little sniffle.
“Oh god, Ice. Are you okay? I was so worried.”
Was she crying? “Yeah… I’m okay… still, would you rather be talking to Has? I can get him back if that’s what you want.”
She sniffled again, but her response was shaky, quiet.
“Why would I want him? I’ve been trying to get up the courage to call you, but I couldn’t. I messed everything up.”
The hell? I started pacing the room, because honestly, it just feels better to move when I’m on the phone.
“What did you mess up? Everything that went wrong with us, that’s on me. I’m a fucking disease, and I fuck up everything I touch. I never should have touched you, because you didn’tdeserve to lose everything. Reacher shouldn’t have done what he did.”
She sniffled again. “Maybe he was right. How can I possibly expect anyone to take advice from me, when I’ve managed to fuck up my own life so epically?”
Jesus. This was harder than I’d expected. She should be in my fucking arms, where I could soothe her pain, and sadness.
“Let me talk to Reacher, see if we can get him to retract what he said. That it’s not true.” It was a dumb idea, and she clearly agreed. I just had no other answers.
Lissa
