Page 85 of Ice
His smirk disappeared. “That’s good, man. She’s a good person, and you’re slightly less of a dick with her around.”
“Slightly?”
“Yeah, like a tiny tiny bit less of a dick. It’s a start, so I don’t want to knock it.”
I found myself grinning at him. What the fuck was happening? It was like we’d fallen into a parallel universe.
“Well, I didn’t want to scare you by moving too fast. Did she come to you last night?”
He was taking a sip of his coffee, but I saw the frustration on his face.
“For fuck’s sake. Stop being jealous when you don’t have a reason to be. She’s sweet, probably too good for you, but she’s definitely not mine, yeah? I know that, and so does she. So any jealousy, man, that’s you keeping your head up your ass, when you should just let it go. Probably doesn’t smell any better than your room by the way. Ever thought of cracking a window?” He smirked again as he said that, so I figured it couldn’t be as bad in here as he suggested, but I did stand up and open a window, my eyebrows raised at him as I did.
“Better?”
He shrugged. “I like the new look, man.”
It took me a moment to follow what he was getting at. My hair. Oh yeah. I ran a hand over the short soft bristles on my head, actually enjoying the feel of the buzzcut.
“Yeah… felt like a change.”
He stared at his coffee for a moment.
“I’ve been there, man. I know how it feels. Like there’s stuff crawling under your fucking skin, and nothing about your body feels like it’s yours. I think that’s part of why I stuck around when you were out for the count, when they knew you were detoxing, like even though you didn’t know I was there, somehow I could support you through it, because it fucking sucks, and I wished I’d had the chance to not be aware of it.”
Whoa… we really are baring our souls today.
“Thanks. I uh… I think not going through it that time maybe made me a little cocky, you know? Like I could get past it easily because I’d forgotten how awful it feels to try and get clean.”
That smirk returned briefly.
“You cocky? Nah…”
I really hadn’t taken the time to get to know him, and he really wasn’t the asshole I’d assumed him to be.
“Look… I meant what I said last night.”
“About the sucker punch?” He grinned again.
“About being sorry, asshole. I don’t think I’ve ever given you a chance, and this whole time I didn’t really know what it was about you that bothered me, but Lissa helped me figure it out. It was never you. Never your fault, anyway. It was you, but not in a way that you did purposely.”
“The fuck does any of that mean?” I knew he was smart as hell, so that meant I really was making no sense, which was kinda how it had sounded to me too.
“Jesus… my dad, yeah? He was an abusive fuck, used to stick me in front of the TV, while he beat on my mum.” I watched his face fall.
“Shit.”
“Yeah, but see, the DVD he put on for me was the same one, every fucking time, maybe intentionally to torture me in somefucking way. It was that show you did when you were a kid. With the superpowers.”
Has groaned. “That show was such shite. No wonder you were pissed.” He was making light of it.
“You know what I’m saying. I guess unconsciously I associated you with abuse, or some headfuck crap like that. So uh… yeah, I’m sorry. I projected that shit at you, and it was never your fault.”
“Sounds like the perfect moment for a hug, brother.” I flipped him off instead.
Lissa
IhadaheadachewhenI woke up, which is what happens when you drink an entire bottle of wine, and stay up way too late chatting on the phone with a friend. I’d actually phoned her really close to midnight, so we’d stayed up way past three, chatting and giggling like schoolgirls.
