Page 87 of Ice
“Honestly, I’ve never asked too much, because Reacher has had the weight of the world on his shoulders ever since we met. You know we only met because they kidnapped me, and locked me in the basement to interrogate me?”
What. The. Fuck.
“They did what?” I’d leaned forward in my chair, because this was going to be a big deal, and I was intensely curious. Were these the people I was looking to be connected with?
Forty-One
AfterHas-Beenleft,andI’d had some time to stew on things, and rethink every word I said, I tidied my place up, to try and keep busy. I’d picked up the rest of the broken mug last night, thankfully not by embedding it in my feet first, but I’d left the rest of the mess, because I hadn’t given a fuck.
Today I cared. Today I wanted to make a difference. I focused on making the place look good enough for a fucking lady to want to live in. Or would she prefer to live somewhere off-site? I hadn’t lived away from the clubhouse since I’d joined, so I wondered how I’d even cope with that, but surely it wouldn’t take long to get used to. As long as she agreed to stay with me, I’d make it work.
I reached up to shove some crap on top of a cupboard, lunging up with my left arm, before I groaned, and closed my eyes. Fucking idiot. It hadn’t hurt at the time, but I knew what that sudden stretch would mean. At least there was nobody here to see me when the spasms started.
It took a few hours, which even led me to a false belief that I’d managed to escape it this time, and then it kicked in with a vengeance, like I had to be physically punished for putting things away. I was taking two of those old pills when someone walked into my room. Doc. The fucking doc. Not my doc, but the one who definitely shouldn’t see me like this.
“Uh… not a good time, man.”
He lifted the box out of my hand, like I hadn’t even spoken, like it was somehow his fucking right to interfere.
“The fuck are you doing with these? You been taking them?”
I dumped my empty glass in the sink and looked at him, as I leaned back against the cupboards. I couldn’t cradle my shoulder or arm like I really wanted to, and it made me want to lash out at him. To cause verbal wounds to try and match the agony of my physical, and invisible, one.
“How about you fuck off, yeah? Not interested in your bullshit right now.”
He glanced at the closed door.
“Want me to get Reacher here instead?”
“What the fuck is it with you all, constantly sticking your noses into my shit? This is my business. It’s my fucking room, and nobody ever bothers to fucking knock on my door first, and what the fuck. Don’t I deserve privacy?”
Doc helped himself to my sofa, and pointed at the opposite chair, like he expected me to take a seat on command.
“Go fuck yourself.”
“Sit down, or I’ll have to report your hostile behaviour. Remember I’m here to check you for fucking withdrawal symptoms, and right now you’re showing behaviour you don’t want me sharing with the Pres. Not only that, but those pills, you can’t be taking stuff like that, Ice, for fuck’s sake. You’ll end up addicted to those instead. Does nobody ever fucking listen to me?”
I gave up and sat down, wincing when my shoulder throbbed again, and pain lanced into my chest.
“Fuck.”
His eyes were on me, catching every fucking movement and reaction, the observant bastard.
“What’s going on, brother? You’re hurt?”
I wanted to shrug, like it was no big deal, but fuck me, my shoulder was massively out of commission. I couldn’t even risk shaking my fucking head right now.
“Headache. You know, the ones we addicts get when we’re trying to get clean.”
He shook his head. “Not buying it. Why do you keep tensing your neck and shoulder? Can I look at it?”
“God no, please don’t touch it.” I was tired. Tired of lying. Tired of hiding my pain. Tired of pretending that I was okay. Normal. Capable. If I was about to lose everything, what did it fucking matter if he knew? What did any of it matter, if I lost Lissa or the club, or both?
“Tell me.”
I winced again, finally reaching up to rest a hand over my shoulder, as the spasm did its worst.
“Fuck.”
