Page 39 of Has-Been
“Take me to your room. I can’t be in there right now.”
The fuck? “What’s wrong with your room? It’s secure. It’s the most secure room in the clubhouse.”
She started breathing faster, sounding panicked, so I turned around and headed for my own door instead, nudging it open with my elbow, and kicking the door closed behind me. I carried her over to my bed and tried to set her down but she was clinging to me, so I turned and sat down, keeping her in my lap.
“Babe, I wanna lock the door. It’s not like your room, and I want to make it more secure for you.”
“It already is. You’re here.”
I tilted her head up, and groaned when I saw more of those tears.
“Babe, Jesus, this is killing me. I’m so sorry I put you at risk. You never should have been where that bastard could get his hands on you. Please. Forgive me. I promise I won’t fuck up again.”
My sweet girl. My sweet, fragile girl. I’d taken a stupid risk and she was paying the price. She let out a soft groan.
“It’s not your fault, Has. Stop doing that.” I let out a sharp breath and shook my head at her.
“Of course it was. You were safe in your room, and I dragged you out where it wasn’t safe. All because I was so desperate to fucking be with you.”
She suddenly shoved away from my lap, nearly hitting the floor before she caught her balance, those jeans of hers mostly pulled up but still unfastened beneath the light robe.
“Because youwere?As in you… you don’t want me anymore? He didn’t… he didn’t get inside me, Has. I’m still your girl. I’m still your virgin girl.”
She pulled the robe open and shoved it off her shoulders, and then she was pulling at the rags he’d left her with. I reached for her, to try and stop her and she shoved me away, as she became more frantic in her desperation to remove the clothes. It wasn’t about showing me anything, it was about her needing those clothes away from her skin. Needing to be free of anything he touched. I understood. I recognised it for what it was, so I stayed back and let her free herself, knowing that she needed to do it herself.
She was breathing in heavy gasping sobs by the time she stood naked in front of me, and then she was shaking so much I thought she’d fall. I couldn’t help myself, so I grabbed her up in my arms and carried her to the bathroom.
Elise
SuddenlyIfeltlikeI needed to be clean, cleansed of that monster’s touch, and Has seemed to realise it even before I did. He’d already taken me to the bathroom, and had the shower running before I could even verbalise it.
“I don’t have… I only have what I use, babe. You’re gonna end up smelling like me.”
Yes. I’d feel safer somehow, if I could smell him on me. It’d replace the monster’s smell if he’d even left one. Has didn’t undress and join me, and I half wished he would. He still hadn’t commented on the things I’d said either. Was he put off me by the fact that another man had touched me? I hadn’t wanted him to, and I hadn’t permitted him to.
“I wish I had a bath now, so you could lay back and relax instead of having to stand up. I just keep failing you.”
Apart from when I first stripped off, he wasn’t even looking at my body, he was only focused on my face. He couldn’t even look at me, could he?
“I’m still me, Has,” I insisted, watching his face fall as he turned the water off.
“I know, babe, what’s this about? I just want you to feel more comfortable. You ready to get dry?”
I snatched the towel out of his hands and wrapped it around myself, knowing the few dressings the doc had applied had been ruined by the water and were going to have to come off.
“There! Now you don’t have to worry about looking at me anymore.”
His hands were still out, like he was still holding the towel.
“I don’t get it.”
“You don’t want me now, do you? Because some other man touched me. How is that fair to me? I didn’t want him anywhere near me.”
“Jesus, babe. That’s not what’s going on at all. Come here.” I backed up as he reached for me, nearly slipping on the slick floor of the shower cubicle.
“Careful. Let’s get you back out there, and we can talk.”
“Because you want to let me down easy?”
