Page 90 of Has-Been
“Other people… others go through worse. He barely… touched me.” My words were broken by the occasional hiccup of distress, but I made my point in the end, right?
Lissa let out a soft sigh, reaching over to squeeze my hand.
“All that matters is what you went through, and the severity of it isn’t diminished by anything or anyone else. You were taken from your home, and in fear of your safety, and your life. That’s the most terrifying thing a person can experience. There’s no such thing as weakness right now, babe.”
We were disturbed as the bathroom door popped open, and Has emerged, fully dressed, and looking sheepish.
“Sorry… doesn’t take long in the shower with no hair. I can go wait outside though, so you can carry on.”
I shook my head, reaching out for him, and when he was close enough, I stood up and made him sit, climbing into his lap and burying my face in his chest, breathing deeply to fill my senses with his scent, and the spicy tang of the shower gel he’d just used. I felt it wash through me, calming me in an instant, and making me feel safe again.
“Would you like to leave it there for today, Elise?”
I swallowed hard, sitting up and turning to face Lissa, sighing with relief because being in Has-Been’s arms helped.
“No, I can continue, but I want him to stay.” Has tensed for a moment, and then he took a slow breath and tried to relax again.
“Babe, this is your personal business. You deserve to express that without fear of my judgement.”
“I know you won’t judge me, so don’t even try that. I feel more able to talk when you’re holding me.”
Lissa shrugged at him, smiling sweetly.
“Whatever helps Elise to express herself is fine with me.”
Has-Been
Everfeellikeyou’vebeen tricked into something? Because that was how this felt right now, not because Elise didn’t deserve my support, or the comfort I could provide, because they were hers unconditionally and forever. It was more about being trapped with a fucking shrink like this.
That familiar edginess set in as they began to talk, because I felt like I needed to escape before I was drawn into the conversation in any way. Talking about my own stuff was bad enough, and I didn’t think I ever could, but to hear this stuff, and have to not react? It was fucking agony.
“That’s all he did. It sounds so dumb now, like how was I so scared at the time, but… I mean, he’s a killer, right?”
I tightened my arms around her involuntarily.
“Fucking right he is. Worse. You know that.”
Lissa raised her eyebrows at me, and I sighed, turning to look out the window, like I’d find something out there that could fucking distract me.
“Sorry, not my time to talk.”
Elise rubbed her palm over my arm, and rested her head against my chest.
“Now it’s your turn, Has. You need to talk to Lissa too, because you have stuff you need to work through. I can leave if you want to, if it’s easier for you?” I tightened my arms around her, even as I felt like I heard that metaphorical trap snap shut on me.
“Nah, I’m good, babe. Thanks, Lissa.”
Elise shoved free of my lap, and stood beside me with her hands on her hips, and a fierce glare on her face.
“So I have to talk about my shit, but you get to keep bottling yours up, until you have another meltdown like the day at the hospital? What if that happens at some point and puts us at risk? Huh? Is that what you want to risk?” Fuck me, even though she was manipulating the fuck out of me, and I knew it was for my own good, hell… she was gorgeous as she stood there, dictating to me like that. Would anyone else have got away with laying down the law to me like that?
“Has-Been, it seems like it’s long overdue that you get some help with whatever caused your reaction the other day, so I’m ready whenever you want to talk.” Lissa didn’t seem to be pressuring me, but, I could see that Elise maybe needed me to talk now. Maybe what she needed was the spotlight off her for a while, because she didn’t feel like she deserved it.
I ran a hand over my shaved head, grimacing at the feel of my slightly stubbly skin, where once there were rough heavy dreadlocks.
“Jesus. I don’t know where to start, but I can’t do this unless you get back in my lap, woman.” I reached for Elise and she eagerly climbed back into my lap and my arms, pressing her face into my neck and kissing my skin, like she was trying to comfort me before I even began.
“Sure you’ve got time for this, doc?”
