Page 58 of Has-Been
“Hey, babe. Whoa, doc, cold hands!”
His eyes, though… they weren’t smiling with his lips. They were still wide and panicked. I had no idea what was wrong but I moved to his side, and leaned into his shoulder, stroking his face until he followed me with his head.
“You’re fine, Has. Everything’s fine.” His breath shuddered out of him, and then he cursed and lurched away from the doctor.
“We’re done. Gimme some painkillers and I’ll get the fuck out of here.”
The doctor removed his surgical gloves, shaking his head slowly.
“You’ll have plenty of bruising, but everything seems intact. You’ll definitely be sore for a few days. Rest up for today, and make sure to move gently tomorrow. Standard painkillers will do, but I can prescribe something stronger if needed.” Has was focused on doing up his jeans, but he gave the doctor a brief nod.
“Yeah, thanks. Let’s go, babe.”
He dragged me out of there, like someone had just put the fear of god into him, not slowing down until we’d joined the others. Seth looked concerned by the way he was gripping my arm, but that wasn’t what worried me.
Something had just affected Has-Been in a way I’d never seen anything bother him, and I had to figure out what it was, so I could make sure it never happened again.
Thirty-Six
Wehadtowaitfor the others, so I grabbed Elise’s hand again and dragged her to wait outside with me. I hoped I could hide the way my hands were still trembling, but it was impossible to hide how I’d reacted in that fucking room, because she saw something was wrong.
She kept searching me with her eyes, like she wanted to ask, but she didn’t want to pry, and I really didn’t want to fucking talk about it. Too many people already knew about that shit, and I didn’t want to tell her. She’d think less of me if she knew.
“Has-”
“Please, babe. Please don’t ask, because I can’t. Can we just pretend that never happened?” She reached up, cupping my cheek with her hand.
“I don’t think that’s the best thing for you in the long run, but I’ll leave it for now. You do need to talk though, because there’s clearly something bad that you were just reminded of in that room. If we’re going to be together, then you need to be able to talk to me.”
I lifted her palm and kissed it.
“I get that, babe, just not right now, yeah? Give me some time to get my head straight, and maybe I’ll be able to talk about it.”
Even though I’d tried to head off the conversation, I couldn’t hold back the memories that started flooding back into my mind then. Me as a boy, excited for a career as an actor. Me thinking the lights would be bright and shiny, and my future would be a dream. Instead it was a fucking nightmare. Three men destroyed everything; my future, my hopes, my dreams, my body, my sanity. I’d wanted to die. They’d all made my body their toy, and I’d been too young, and too afraid to speak up, and too powerless to resist or fight them.
The memory of their filthy evil hands touching me made my flesh crawl, and the dark place in my head, where I normally managed to trap all of their cruelty and depravity, allowed other thoughts and images to leak out. Being touched by Bill Savage, one of the production team, and told that it was all part of the audition process. Being told only babies complain. Only children who didn’t want a future on the big screen. Freddy Diplomat and Jacko Simmonds… those two sick fuckers showed me how two men could plunder a young boy’s body, and make him wish for death.
“Has?” Her voice didn’t even permeate as a hand touched me, and I flinched away, letting out a ragged curse. I backed up a few steps as my breathing became laboured, and I felt that familiar terror washing over me, making me weak and cold all at once.
“No.”
“Has, it’s me, what’s going on?” Elise reached for me, and I lurched away again.
“STOP.Stop touching me.”
Her face fell, and I could see it was her, and the rational part of my brain knew I was safe now, and this was all just a reaction to some kind of flashback, but it didn’t stop my body from trembling and I couldn’t let her near me.
“Oh god, Has, what’s going on? Please. Let me help you.”
“Just fucking BACK OFF! Don’t fucking TOUCH ME!”
I could hear soft crying, as I backed up enough to trip over something and land painfully on my ass again. The sudden pain sent a shockwave through me, and suddenly I had a little more clarity. I looked up from the ground to see Elise in tears, and behind her, my brothers. Everyone who’d been at the hospital, either being treated or collecting them.
Jesus, there was no way to hide this now. There was no way to escape from it. No way to try and apologise to my fucking woman with this audience hovering over us.
“Babe…”
Stitch pulled Elise back and tucked her against his chest, as he shot me accusing death glares over her sobbing form. I deserved every last one of them too.
