Page 88 of Has-Been
“If he’d… if he’d forced me to… you know… he’d have stolen a first from me, Has-Been.”
His arms tightened around me, and I could feel that tension throughout his body.
“I know,” he gritted out, averting his eyes as he spoke. Was he ashamed of me for something? Or was he just struggling with whatever memories were coming back to him of his own past?
“He can’t take anything like that from me, Has. I won’t survive that. You… you have to be my first in all things.”
Has squeezed his eyes closed, and let out a shaky breath.
“He won’t get you again, babe. I won’t allow it. I won’t leave your fucking side again from now until the day we both die, because we won’t leave each other even then.”
Suddenly it was all I could think about. Sharing with him what was almost stolen from both of us.
“I need to, Has.”
His brow creased, and he opened his eyes again.
“What?”
“Please.”
“Need to what?”
I sucked in a breath, trying to hold onto my courage, even as he started to look more and more dismayed as he caught on.
“Babe, no. Not… that’s not happening right now.”
I pushed away from him, and sat up, pulling the covers with me to hide myself, even though I wore underwear and a t-shirt.
“I need to do this, Has.”
He sat up too, his fists clenching as he sat back against the headboard. He scrubbed at his eyes with his fists, looking almost childlike in his distress.
“Babe, please don’t do this to me. Not now. Not like this. I know you want to own every one of these experiences, and you should because that’s your right, but this isn’t the right time, or the right way. Don’t let him taint something like that by making it something it shouldn’t be.”
I edged closer to him, sliding a hand along his thigh over the covers.
“Please, Has.”
Has-Been
Iwasinhell…becauseof course I wanted to show her these things, and teach her how to please me, just like I wanted to show her how I could please her. The many ways I could have her screaming my name, but she was a fucking virgin until days ago, and she’d been kidnapped twice and was suffering the after effects of that. What kind of asshole would I be to stick my cock in her fucking face right now?
“Has… I can see what you’re doing. You’re beating yourself up, and feeling like you shouldn’t do this, but it’s what I need. It… it’s not just about keeping that first for us. It’s about needing to feel close to you, to feel like we can pick up where we left off. You were taking me on a journey of sexual exploration, and I want to continue on that journey with you, if you still want me.”
I rubbed at my chest, where I felt the burn from her words.
“Don’t do that, Elise. Don’t make this about me not wanting you or something. We both know that’s bullshit. We both know I fucking love you so much I’d die for you, I just don’t think it’s best for you emotionally to do this right now.”
Elise’s hand moved, and slipped under the covers, stroking me through my sweatpants. Of course I didn’t have underwear on with them. I’d only slipped them on so I could talk to the guys, and I’d kept them on in bed, because I didn’t want her to panic if we were snuggling together. I didn’t want to pressure her, but the joke was on me, because she was the one pressuring me.
“Babe…”
“Please, Has. Teach me how to pleasure you, how to touch your cock. Let me taste you. I need to carry on as if nothing bad happened. I need to enjoy us.”
Fuck me. Did I have any willpower at all, because my cock was rock hard under her gentle touch, and I wanted nothing more than to give in, to do all the things she was practically begging me for.
“Are you sure you don’t want Lissa instead?”
