Page 16 of Torch
I could still taste Torch’s cum, and my jaw was aching, my throat was a little tender, and I felt like I was still covered in our juices, but it was the best I’d felt in forever.
“It was okay?”
It seemed like Torch was the one who needed reassurance right now, because I was feeling fine, but he seemed unconvinced. Even though he’d clearly understood what I’d been wanting, he seemed on edge now, like he was worried he’d pushed things too far. I think he could have been even rougher, or meaner, and it still would have been just perfect.
Torch was stroking the side of my face, his touch so gentle now, so caring. It amplified just how rough and mean he’d been, but also how it wasn’t the only side of him. I’d always been afraid if I risked letting a man treat me like that, that there’d be no switch afterwards, from asshole back to the man I chose. Torch talked about himself like he was that asshole only, but he was proving to me just how much else there was about him, that he didn’t seem to see.
“Torch?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“Did you… was it good, I mean, did it give you what you needed?”
He lifted my chin, so I couldn’t help but meet his eyes this time.
“Babe, all I wanted was you, however you wanted me. Now, I have to admit that this, what just happened, that was the last thing I expected you’d want. From your bossiness at the hospital, I half expected you to be all whips and strap-ons, and while that’s not my thing, I’d have tried… for you. That sounds so lame, like what a fucking pussy, right? Thing is, if you want a woman so much, you’re an asshole if you don’t try to give her what she wants.”
I was still blinking over his crazy ideas about what he thought I would have wanted from him. Whips? Strap-ons? That was how I came across? No wonder so few people warmed to me at the hospital. Was I intolerable?
“Babe, you’re doing it again. Don’t sit there stressing over what I’m saying, like it’s some character assassination. It’s not. I’m just saying, if that’s who you’d been, I’d have tried. Gotta say I’m pretty glad that’s not what you wanted, even though,” he trailed off, seemingly unwilling to finish his sentence.
“Even though what?”
He sighed, stroking my hair back behind my ear, trying to untangle the rest of it with his fingers.
“Even though treating you like that was harder than I expected it to be,” he said finally, giving up on my hair. “Sorry, it’s tangled. You got a brush here I can use?”
He wanted to brush my hair? I pushed away from him and stood up, dragging the bedspread with me, grimacing at the slick, slimy mess on the corner of it. I made a mess. I was a mess. Fluids. There were fluids there, and on my clothes, and on me. I was covered in them.
“What’s going on?” Torch pushed up from the floor, refastening his jeans as he moved.
“I need… uh… can you,” oh god, was I really going to do this? “Can you please leave now?”
Torch froze, lifting his hands from his jeans as he stared at me, dismay on his face.
“Seriously? Just like that? Wham bam…wait a minute, that’s not even how this went. I got mine, but you, babe? You didn’t get yours.”
I could feel the panic rising in me. I needed to fix this, to tidy the mess, to tidy myself up. I was disgusting, messy, an embarrassment.
“Please,” I gasped, dragging the bedspread from my shoulders and taking it to the laundry basket in the corner, frantically shoving it into the container, fistful after fistful.
“What the… Oh,I get it. Don’t worry, doc, I fucking get it. I’m such a fucking idiot, but don’t worry, I’ll see myself out.”
He moved faster than I’d expected, grabbing the rest of his clothes and stalking from my bedroom in several strides, thundering down the stairs and leaving with a slam of the front door. I pulled my clothes off, wanting them off my skin and in the laundry, where they belonged.
From there, I went straight to the shower, knowing I had an evening of cleaning ahead of me before I could sleep. I hoped at least, when I slept, that I’d be able to relive those amazing moments with Torch, especially if they were the only ones I’d have.
Ten
Whatafuckingidiot,right? I sat on her doorstep while I finished dressing, and then I was walking, heading back in the direction of town. It was going to be one hell of a long walk, but at least I knew my way around town well enough. The posh neighbourhood she lived in was less than a mile from the less than savoury part of town I’d been raised in. I could probably call the clubhouse for a ride, but I didn’t want to do that until I was far enough away from here that I could hide the fact that I was a fucking moron.
She already had a man, didn’t she? Someone she’d willingly cheat on, but didn’t want to actually get caught by. Apparently she couldn’t get him to give her what she really needed either, but that was her fucking problem, and not mine. I wanted to call her a bitch for it, but the fact was that she’d pushed me away right from day one, but I was the one who pursued her, wasn’t I?
Even today, I’d taken advantage of her still being by Lissa’s office, and I talked my way into her home, and into her fucking bedroom. Didn’t quite make it to the bed though. I’d wanted to bury my cock so deep in her, it’d leave a fucking imprint she’d never forget, but yeah… shit didn’t go down the way I’d hoped. At least I got to blow my load, right?
Why the fuck didn’t that make me feel any better? She’d been panicked, almost afraid. Jesus. I stopped in my tracks, already two streets away from hers, but wondering if I should go back. She’d seemed afraid. What if her man was a bastard? What if he was some abusive prick who’d hurt her? What if her fear had been about trying to cover my tracks, so she didn’t pay for me being an obsessive shitbag?
Should I go back? Should I call her? I stared at my phone, remembering that there was no way to fucking call her, since I didn’t have her number. Lissa might have it, but that’d mean asking Ice for it, and I wanted to trust him, but trust was a big fucking issue for me right now. I was pretty sure Ice was safe, just like Reacher, Stitch, Ryder, Has, and Micro likely were, but someone wanted me dead. Someone wanted more than just me dead, didn’t they? They wanted to hurt the women we cared about. I’d just fucking put Grace on someone’s radar, or at least I would if I called Ice for her deets. I started walking again, determined to put as much distance between the two of us as possible, because surely to god that was the best way to keep her safe. Wasn’t it?
