Page 73 of Torch
I’d act offended, but I wasn’t so sure he was wrong right now. I just lost a best friend and a woman in the same fucking hour, and that was killing me more than all the betrayals.
Did she leave because of all the craziness? Was the arrival of the police the last fucking straw? She knew biker life wasn’t strictly all above board, right? I’d told her that this shit could happen, right? Still, I hadn’t expected them to come specifically looking for Micro, and not right as we had him out in the open.
“Who do you think called the filth on us? It has to be another in-house betrayal, because only we knew the fucker was here, and that he was guilty.”
Stitch cursed under his breath, moving around my room, and straightening things up. Seriously, was everyone getting fucking obsessive about tidiness now? My room was almost back to normal after my last bout of anger, so what the hell was out of place now?
“Honestly? I hate to say this, but it has to be one of our women. I know, okay? I know what you’re about to say, but of those of us who knew he was here, the rest of us were in that fucking meeting, and you know no phones are allowed, except Ice with his fucking security alerts and shit.”
“And it won’t have been him anyway, he’s just itching for some club justice right now.”
“Weren’t we all though? Think about it, man. Micro put Ally in the hospital, he took my fucking sister twice and assaulted her. He went after Grace. He killed Jock. He killed Chrissy after fucking raping her-”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I interrupted, immediately feeling like a prick for sticking up for him, but he’d seemed so sincere, but then hadn’t he been fucking sincere this whole time?
“You think Chrissy wasn’t him?” I shook my head, because I knew it was.
“I mean, he didn’t… he told me it was consensual, rough, but not rape. Just that she mocked him after, and he lost his temper. I’m not saying that makes it okay, but I’m just saying there’s more to it than we suspected.”
“End result’s the same, man. She’s dead, and now so is he.”
Thirty-Seven
Torchdidn’ttrycallingagain after I ignored his four attempts early in the evening. Had he given up? Was he angry or was he hurting? He probably needed me, and I felt like such a bitch for not being there for him right now, but how could I face him when I’d added my own betrayal to the burden already on his shoulders?
Had he decided he’d confront me face to face? Would he suddenly turn up on the doorstep, and if he did, what would I do? Would I own up to my actions then, or lie? Would I beg his forgiveness, or tell him to stay away? Was I doing the right thing for him, or abandoning him just like everyone else in his life? No family, his best friend turned on him, and now I’ve walked away? My god, what’s the right thing to do?
When someone turned up on my doorstep the next morning, it wasn’t Torch, but I welcomed them in immediately.
“Is everything okay? Torch said you left without word. Was it when you went outside for air?” Lissa asked worriedly, while I made coffee. How could I answer her, when I felt like I’d have to tell her the truth, and she’d hate me too?
I passed her a mug as we took seats in my living room, and she cast her eyes around.
“This is a really nice place, Grace. Have you lived here long?” She’s doing the therapist thing, shifting us from the harder part of the conversation, until she feels she’s eased some of the sting of her sudden appearance.
“My parents own the house, and I’m just using it until I get back on my feet.” It wasn’t quite the question she’d asked, but we both knew it was irrelevant right now.
“I know the club can be busy, and noisy, and even scary at times, but now Micro’s gone, it’ll feel like it used to. It’s a warm place. It’s a family. It’s somewhere to hide from everything else in the world, and just be happy. Sure, there’s crime, and they’re not the most well-mannered, gentle guys, but with us, we’ll always get their best.” She didn’t need to sell the idea to me, because that wasn’t why I left. I just had no idea how to address my own issues.
She sipped her coffee, her eyes darting around the room again.
“Very tidy. Does it feel more calming to have everything in place like this? You mentioned before that you suffer from OCD. The clubhouse must be rather jarring in comparison to your own space, with everything how you like it?”
“It’s not about that, Lissa. I just… I can’t be there.” She tilted her head at me, worry replaced with sadness.
“You’re breaking up with Torch? He’s a mess right now, Grace. He needs you. I’m not saying this to try and coerce you or trap you, but he’s dealing with his grief right now, and he’s doing it alone.”
Please don’t add to my guilt, Lissa! If you only knew… I wished I could tell her, but I had a feeling I’d see a different side to her once she knew I’d betrayed the club.
“I’m sorry, Lissa. I’m not doing this to hurt Torch. My god, that’s the last thing I want, but I have my reasons.”
We sipped our coffee in silence for a few moments, before she spoke up again.
“If you’re concerned about other threats like Micro posed, please don’t worry. The club that Micro’s… that our father ran… it was very different. It was violent, and brutal, and women were treated as if they were nothing but holes. They were used, abused, and discarded like they were worthless. Brutalised, and cast aside. Sometimes left so traumatised that they needed outside help, or escape from the club members. I’m not proud to be related to the monster who made that club such a terrible place, but it’s not like that now. Reacher and Stitch, well, you’ve met them and you know they’re not like that. This is a really weird and scary situation but it’s not the norm for them.”
Damn, keep telling me things that remind me what I’m losing here. Lissa was watching me too damn carefully, and I know she could read people really well. What if she worked out what I was hiding? I wanted to tell her so badly, but I was too scared of losing her as a friend too, but I still didn’t know if I even deserved her as one.
“Grace, talk to me,” she said finally, reaching out to squeeze my hand gently. Her comfort on top of her kind words was going to be my undoing, and my eyes started burning with tears. I squeezed them shut, trying to hold them back.
