Page 21 of Micro
My phone buzzed on the bedside table, not for the first time, and Lowell snatched it up, passing it to my good hand, but I saw the set of his jaw, as he rolled away from me and sat on the edge of the bed.
“I… I’m sorry.”
Reaper:Next shipment will be on time. Your little ‘injury’ is no excuse.
That asshole.
“It’s about the next shipment, Lowell, that’s all.”
The other messages were from him too though.
Reaper:Your pretty little bitch boyfriend can help you cook them up, if he can get his head out of your whoreish pussy.
Oh my god.
Reaper:He’s no better than me, and you’ll realise that soon enough. Don’t come crying to me when you’re wearing bruises from his fucking fists. I warned you about him.
Lowell got up and headed out of the room, and I gasped, leaping off the bed to follow him. Had he seen this message? Did he know what things Reaper had said to me, before he twisted my wrist so brutally?
Thirteen
Icouldfeelthatrage rising in me, and I had to get away from her. She didn’t deserve to see that side of me, and honestly, I was too afraid to stay near her, and be a risk to her, as much as I wanted to finish what we’d started. His messages, as much as I hated him for the interruption, came at the best time, before I got in too deep with her, and she said those words too. The words I’d been hearing in my head ever since that night with Chrissy. That bitch destroyed me that night, like she cracked the last little part of my soul, and let out the monster who did those terrible things. I shouldn’t even have let myself get close to Soph, because she was too good to be tainted by someone like me, even if she’d already let that fucker Reaper near her.
I locked myself in the bedroom she’d allocated to me, and when she knocked and called out, I told her I needed a few minutes, and I’d be out, but what the fuck would I do next? I should get away from her, before I caused her the same kind of harm I’d done to others. But then who’d save her from the Rogues? From Reaper? The least I could do would be to get her out first, and kill that fucker in the process, then I could get away somewhere before I ruined her life, or worse, caused her harm.
The scariest part, the thing about me that I was most afraid of, was that I was afraid of what I might do to her, to anyone. The things I did to the guys, and their old ladies, at Phoenix… it was like I watched someone else doing those things. It was like watching a monster inhabit my body, and take revenge for a man I knew, deep down, didn’t fucking deserve it. What the hell had broken inside me, that I could do those awful things? Was it fixable? WasIfixable? I could feel panic welling inside me again, and I clenched my fists against the onslaught of emotions crashing into me. I shouldn’t have run from the club. I should have been man enough to take their punishment, their destruction of me, because I fucking deserved it.
I dropped down on the bed, my breaths coming in harsh gasps. I grabbed the laptop and logged in, moving to my remote app for making calls. I inputted the number I knew I shouldn’t be calling, and waited while it rang, my body literally trembling with a whole bunch of shit I couldn’t put a name to… but she could.
“Dr Lissa Silver,” her voice rang out confidently, and I shuddered.Silver?She fucking married him?
I opened my mouth to speak, but only a tortured breath escaped, and she heard it.
“Who is this? Are you okay? Do you need help?” Help. Ha. Like I deserved that.
I took a deep breath.
“I need to come back,” I choked out, hearing her shocked gasp in response, “It’s time to let them kill me.”
She was silent for a moment, and I heard a door closing in the background, shockingly loud over my ragged breathing.
“Micro? Take a deep breath for me,” she practically commanded, but I couldn’t. My lungs wouldn’t work.
“It’s what I… deserve…” I gasped out, as tears burned my eyes, and blinded me, as they spilled over my cheeks. “I’m… I’m a monster.”
She cleared her throat delicately, and I was attuned to her, to my only living relative, and that’s the only reason I even heard it.
“Micro, please, just take a deep breath for me, and another…that’s right… just try to calm down for me.” For her. It sounded so weird, but I think it was the only reason it was working, because I hadn’t been able to do it for me, but I owed her for what I’d done. My eyes still leaked with my sorrow and regret, like I’d turned into a fucking pussy, but I managed to take a few deep breaths, and my hands started to tingle, as oxygen found my lungs again.
“God… I’m so sorry, Lissa, I’m such… a fucking ass… hole…” Nope, the breathing thing had left me again.
“Please, Micro, I understand that you’ve been hit by some semblance of remorse, but you’ll make yourself ill. You need to breathe, please.” Jesus. She was too nice for her own good. Someone would abuse that to suit their own sick needs.
“Get Ice, tell him I’ll come in. I’m ready to die… I’m ready… before I accidentally hurt… her…”
“Her who? Micro, is someone else there? Are your urges leading you to hurt them?”
Hurt… Jesus, she got right to the point, didn’t she? Maybe she was a good shrink, I mean, everyone at Phoenix seemed to think so.
