Page 22 of Micro
“She’s so good… she’s so fucking sweet, and… I… don’t deserve… I don’t… I deserve to die horribly for the… things I did…” I could barely speak, because the fucking emotional shit had hit like a sledgehammer. I was talking to my sister, a woman I nearly murdered, because I’d lost my mind over that fucking club. Over revenge. Over my dad’s murderers getting to live happy lives. Only he’d fucking deserved it, hadn’t he? He’d been a monster, and he’d made me one too.
“I should… I need to…” I couldn’t say it, but suddenly it was clear. If I had the balls to try and fucking be with a woman I didn’t deserve, then I should have the balls to end my life, and avenge the right people this time. Phoenix MC.My victims.
“Micro, just breathe for a minute, this is just… what do you need to do? Make amends? I can help you try.”
She had no place offering to help me with shit, and she knew it. She really was too fucking pure for our world, just like Soph. Jesus,Soph. I had to make sure she was protected from me.
“I shouldn’t be alive, but I can make things right,” I mumbled distractedly, “I can keep her safe from me.”
“MICRO!Stop. Please just stop, and talk to me. You… don’t do something drastic.”
I hovered my finger over the button to disconnect the call.
“No, this is the first right decision I’ve made in a fucking long time. Tell them I’m going to make it right. They were right to kill him, but they shoulda killed me too.”
“No, Micro! Wait, just…”
“I fucking knew it. He’s on the phone right now? That cunt!”I heard Ice in the background, and it was a good thing, because he’d keep her from stopping me.
“Ice, no! He’s… he’s full of remorse, and he’s on the edge-” A scuffle sounded, and then he was on the phone with me.
“On the edge, are you, fucker? How can I help you fucking fall over it? Remorse? You wouldn’t have a fucking clue what that word means!”
I could hear my sister begging for the phone back, and suddenly I cared about the fallout of my decision to call her at all. What was happening to me?
“Ice, brother-”
“NOT your fucking brother, you hear me? You don’t fucking call my old lady, and mess with her head like this! You know she’ll fucking help, because she can’t not be a good person, but you-”
“Don’t deserve it, I know. That’s what I was telling her. Give me a place, man, I’ll be there, and you can end me. I swear, I’m done hiding. I’m ready-”
“Wow, how big of you! Ready to die now? Maybe if you hadn’t run like a pussy, you’d already be there!”
Fuck’s sake, why couldn’t he just understand that I was finally doing the right thing, even if I’d done only the wrong things up until now? Didn’t that count for anything?
“I’m doing it, for fuck’s sake! I’ll kill myself right now, you won’t have to worry-”
The bedroom door suddenly flew open, and Soph stood there with a key, and a panicked look on her face.
“Lowell! What the hell is going on?”
“Lowell?!Jesus, whoever you are, darlin’, run. Get the fuck out of there before-” I slammed the button to end the call, cutting Ice off mid-sentence.
Fourteen
I’dpassedLowell’scloseddoor several times, trying to think of some reason to be there, some reason to use the spare key I held in my hand. It was a huge violation of his privacy, but of course I had multiple keys for locks. It was part of being obsessively organised, and prepared for everything, but I hadn’t been prepared for this. I’d ended up with my ear pressed against the door, when I realised I could hear a woman’s voice. He was speaking to someone on speaker, and she sounded worried about him. Did he have a girlfriend out there somewhere, or a wife? My god, was I trying to seduce another woman’s man? She didn’t call him by his name, but it didn’t sound like she was calling him Psycho either, which was the only other pseudonym I knew of that he’d used.
He sounded distraught though, and that was the part that worried me. He’d sounded like he was sobbing at one point… had he just received bad news? He sounded like he needed me, but he’d also run there and closed himself off from me, and I didn’t understand why. Was it jealousy over Reaper? He knew I didn’t want anything to do with him, but weren’t men inherently possessive when they liked a woman? And was that even what was happening?
Now a man’s voice was practically yelling in the room, and that definitely wasn’t Lowell, and when I heard my Lowell yell words about killing himself, I couldn’t help it. I violated his privacy after all, and burst into the room.
Lowell ended the other voice with a slam of his fingers, and lurched up from the bed, dragging his forearm across his face, to try and hide the traces of his despair. The poor man looked completely broken, and all I wanted was to fix him once more.
“Kill yourself? Please, Lowell, whatever bad news you received, I’ll help you through it. Please, please don’t leave me.” I sounded pathetic, but I couldn’t help it. He wasn’t meant to steal his light from this world, and I’d do anything I could to keep him alive.
“Soph… Jesus, you weren’t meant to… how much did you hear?” He looked horrified, panicked, all emotions I never wanted to see on his face, and unbidden, I approached him again, my arms outstretched.
“Soph, stop! Don’t touch me. Just… what did you hear? Please!” I hesitated, a mere few steps away from him, and drew my arms back, trying to wrap them around me, letting out a gasp of pain as I put pressure on my sprained wrist.
