Page 24 of Micro
“Don’t fucking use that word unless you mean it, because I’m here right in front of you, offering you everything in me, and you’re trying to throw yourself everywhere but toward me, so if you don’t want me, then be man enough to admit that. You were going to help me, you promised to save me from the Rogues, but I guess that was never as important as throwing yourself on your fucking sword.”
Lowell’s face dropped, and he turned away from the phone. He stared at me for a long moment, then his lips twitched.
“Are you horny, babe? You’re after my… uh… sword?”
“Dammit, Lowell-”
“Call me Micro, babe, that’s the real me… I think.”
Fifteen
Mydadhadcalledme into one of the private rooms in the clubhouse, but it wasn’t his room. When I knocked on the door and stepped inside, he pointed to the bed, where a half dressed lady sat. She was pretty, but old like him, so I wasn’t sure what he was trying to tell me.
“Dad?”
He got up from his chair and moved fast in my direction, grabbing my throat in a firm grip.
“Speak when I fucking permit it, boy. Thought I told you that stupid girly hair needed to be cut short.” I liked my hair longer, and some of his biker brothers had long hair, so I didn’t understand why it bothered him that mine was almost down to my chin.
“Fucking brat!” He dragged me to the bathroom by my throat, and shoved me at the small mirror on the bathroom cabinet.
“Look at you, boy. You look like a pathetic girl, are you a girl, boy? Are you a fucking pansy?” I knew that wasn’t a good word. I’d seen his club beat a man to death for being one, and I knew I shouldn’t let him think it.
“No, father.”
Before I realised what he was doing, he’d grabbed a pair of scissors from the cabinet, and grabbed a fistful of my hair at the back, hacking away at it with the blunt scissors, as jagged curls of my hair started to rain down around me. I bit my tongue against my desperate urge to argue, to tell him to stop, because that would only earn me another beating. I kept wincing at the pain, as he pulled harshly at my beloved hair, carving chunks of it away, finally releasing a satisfied grunt, as he tossed the scissors in the sink, amid hair I’d lost forever.
“That’s better, you little punk. You can clean this up after.”
After? After what? I didn’t get a chance to ask, but when he shoved me back into the bedroom, the woman stood up, and dropped the robe she wore, baring her naked skin to us. What was she doing? My dad shoved me in her direction.
“Time to become a man.”
I turned to look at him in horror, because his meaning was obvious, even to a teen like me.
“But-”
“Don’t let me down, boy. You fuck her, or I’ll beat you senseless, and let Skull have you.”
“It’s okay, Lowell, I’ll take good care of you.” The woman reached out and took my hand, leading me to the bed, but a quick glance at my dad told me he planned to stay and watch.
Micro
WhythefuckdidI just tell her my true name? Why the hell were my defences always down around her? I was weak like my dad had always said, a poor excuse for a man, and I’d finally built up the courage to do the right thing, to let things happen the way they should, but her hating me was something I couldn’t bear the idea of. Unfortunately, if she knew who I really was, there was no way she couldn’t hate me.
“Micro? Wait…that’swhy you said Mike. Finally it makes sense.” Soph took my hand and drew me further away from the phone, and my stupid idea of calling the cops and shopping myself to them.
“That’s what they called you too.” She pulled me onto the sofa beside her, and it was pretty clear to me that I was allowing it, otherwise she couldn’t have nudged me a fucking inch. She was adorably petite, and I was still a bulky fucker, even though I’d gone months without any of the supplies I’d become almost dependent upon. Had to be big, strong, just to keep myself alive in the fucking twisted world I’d grown up in.
“It’s who I was, and I keep telling you, that person was a fucking monster. You heard Ice, telling me I should die, and I fucking should.” I wasn’t sure exactly when this fucking epiphany had struck, but I’d finally fully accepted what I was, and the fact that I should be paying for it.
“Low…Micro… that’s going to take some getting used to. Please tell me this is the last name change I have to learn,” Soph said with a soft giggle. She didn’t get it. She thought this was some cute development in our little story here, but what it was… Jesus, it was an end game. My end game. After this, I couldn’t go back. From here, either justice or retribution was my only path.
“I’ve had a few names over the years. The ones you should remember are these; asshole, loser, pussy, monster, cunt, fucker. Trust me, that’s what you’ll hear from them.”
“Them who?”
Fuck it.“My old club… let’s just say I wasn’t my best self there.” Why didn’t I just bite the bullet and tell her the whole sordid story?
