Page 44 of Micro
The beanie hat wearing man stepped forward, a fierce look on his boyish face.
“He deserves pain, and terror, for what he did. He took my old lady twice, and terrorised her. Where was his mercy then? He nearly killed me, nearly killed Torch, nearly killed the Pres’ old lady, attacked several others,oh, and killed one of our brothers, and a woman we knew. You keep talking like he’s redeemed, but let me be very clear here. He can’t be redeemed, because none of that can ever be excused, or made better. Sometimes my old lady wakes me up screaming, because she’s back there, trapped with him, while he abuses her. Tell me how that’s redeemable?”
I had no words, because how could you excuse any of that? You couldn’t, and shouldn’t. Nobody should. Nobody should accept cruelty or violence from anyone they know, or don’t know, but life wasn’t that straightforward, and there were grey areas everywhere.
“What if he died on that hill? What if the man I rescued, and nursed back to health, isn’t the same man who did those things? All I’ve seen from him is kindness, and protectiveness. He looked after me, when I had nobody to do that. He acted like my own personal nurse when I got injured. He has put himself in danger, and risked his own life over and over, just to keep me safe.”
“What’s your point?” The same guy asked gruffly, while the others stayed silent. I’d thought them to be decent men, from what I’d seen and heard about them, but now I was realising they were too intent on their revenge to see anything else. Their hearts were as filled with hate as the Rogues, and wouldn’t be our saviours at all.
“My point is that I think we’re talking about two different men, and the one I know deserves to be saved too. And hewillhelp me find Trish. Just let the two of us go, and we’ll go and rescue her ourselves. I’m not expecting anything from you people, since you’re so caught up in all your hate, and revenge, that you can’t see past that. I need help now, and Micro is who I need.”
Reacher cursed, pulling the guys into a huddle in the doorway, and then moments later, they all dispersed, and he sat down in the chair beside me.
“Tell me about the Micro youthinkyou know.”
Twenty-Five
WhenReachercametosee me next, I figured that this would be it. The final nail in my coffin, and I even wondered if his final act of revenge would be to never tell me if they rescued the kid, or how Sophie was.
I certainly never expected the first words that come out of his mouth.
“Sophie says you’re a changed man.A good man. She thinks the sun shines out of your fucking ass.” The old me would have shrugged, and mouthed off at him, but I’m not that guy anymore, not deep down where it counts.
“I’m glad she saw that in me. I never knew it was there, but turns out a lot of what I imagined wasn’t real.”
Reacher had dragged a chair over from the corner of the room, and sat down directly opposite me, looking wearier than I’ve ever seen him. I almost asked if he was okay, but it wasn’t my business, was it?
“Like your perfect fucking father?” His tone was sharp, but I deserved that, and I also knew he was right to judge the way I’d stood up for that fucker.
“Yeah, like him. I was a kid growing up in this building, the son of the Pres, the legacy. I had fucking stars in my eyes, thinking one day I’d be the shit.”
He scratched his neck, nodding at me to continue. I had no idea why he was letting me talk, and actually listening, but I was pretty sure this was the most important conversation I’d had under this roof.
“I was raised to believe that cruelty and brutality were the norm, the perks of being a real man. You know how many beatings it takes to turn a kid into a real man, Reacher? Too many, apparently.”
He sighed, but didn’t speak, so I figured I should fill the silence.
“I thought he was a god, I thought he was a fucking king, sitting here ruling his club with an iron fist, surrounded by sexy women, and as much coke and shit as you could ever want. It was like utopia or something, but it was all a fucking lie.”
Reacher snorted, but he was listening, and that had to count for something.
“Reacher, I-”
“Tell me about your mother.”Oh shit.I slumped in the chair a little, not wanting to talk about that, about her, about my part in her death.
“Tell me.”
I swallowed against my dry throat, and wished for something to fucking wet it, or for the million other things a man needed to feel alive, or to feel like he had a chance of surviving.
“I didn’t know who she was,” I said finally, “they were brutalising her, and I could hear her begging, crying, asking them to stop. I was dumb enough to try and speak up for her, but I was a kid, what the fuck did I know?”
Reacher’s eyebrows lifted, but he didn’t speak. He was just wanting me to keep fucking pouring out my soul here, but was he actually going to believe any of it, even though it was all the truth?
“They forced me to fucking grope her, okay? While they fucked her to death, they made me touch her too. My own fucking mother! I…Jesus, I didn’t know. I found out later, years later when… when…” I gagged against the rising bile in my throat. “I didn’t know, but I helped them hurt her. Who does that, Reacher? Who helps men kill his own mother?” I could feel the tears on my cheeks, and I hated myself for it, for showing that weakness, for not being able to hide it, to brush away the evidence of it.“Men don’t cry,”I hissed at myself, trying to make my inner pussy listen, and actually fucking hear it for once.
“Touching her isn’t helping to kill her,” Reacher said softly, and was that pity in his eyes? It couldn’t be.
“I never even knew her name, but she knew mine. Jesus, she… she knew, and she felt my touch ugh-” I gagged again, this time turning my head just in time to try expelling the bitter bile in my throat, and mouth. Reacher leaned over and cut the bonds from my left hand, so I could lean further over to my right and puke. He did that for me. Was it kindness? Was it further cruelty, to show me hope, so he could take it away?
