Page 59 of Seduced By the Mermen
“Without the podlets making all the racket?”
“No, I like it when they’re here too. Making noise. I like it when it’s empty because I can feel the learning.”
“Learning?” He raises an eyebrow at me and cocks his head in the direction of the classroom that was Anya’s. Out of all of us, I’m the one who has the most reminders of our former mate on a daily basis.
“Learning,” I state. I move around the room, picking up. “I miss her, but I’m healed. Perhaps being more surrounded by her presence, I’ve had time to have closure. I’ve grieved.”
“I’ve grieved,” Clark says.
Now I’m cocking my head at him.
“What? I have.”
I don’t say anything. Just like when I’m waiting for one of the young podlets in my classroom to confess the truth. I give them the space to let the lies fall away.
“More than Sterling.” He crosses his arms over his chest.
“That’s not saying much.” I shove my tablet into my crossbody waterproof bag.
“I suppose you’re right.” Clark runs his hand through his dark blond hair.
“I’m ready to go.” I take a right instead of a left out of my classroom. You can get to the docking dome from either direction, but right takes us by Anya’s old classroom. There’s been three different teachers in there since Anya. To me, it will always be her classroom.
Clark’s quick, even steps falter when we pass her door.
“Do you want to go in?”
He nods. “How can you do it? Be here every day.”
“We haven’t moved homes. We’re still sleeping in the same bed. Still being woken up four times a night when Forrest gets out of bed.”
Clark nods again, and I open the door. “I can look at it without feeling sad. Fuck, the first few years were hard. Time has nothing to do with grief. I’ll always love her. There’s no but to that. Sure, there are some days I get a zap flinging through me. I unequivocally know that Anya wouldn’t want us to be sad. She would want us to be a pod again. Strong, depending on each other, caring for each other. She’d be mad as swordfish caught in a net that we aren’t kinder to each other.”
Clark steps into the classroom. “It’s not the same. Her desk was over there, and the study pods were over there.”
“It’s not her room anymore. Tungsten’s a good teacher. The students like him.”
“She was better.”
“The best.”
“You like Blair?” Clark runs his fingertips across the top of a student desk.
“I do. I got the feeling that you do too?”
“I do. I . . .”
“It’s okay to keep living,” I say.
“Of course.” He straightens to his full height and pulls his arms in around himself. “What the hell do you think I’ve been doing?”
“Hiding in work.” I motion for us to leave. Clark’s discomfort with being in Anya’s old room is palatable.
“I don’t.” There’s a small twitch of his brow that tells me that he knows it’s a maybe-I-do. “It’s time for a change.”
“It’s long past time for a change.”
Chapter 25
