Page 57 of Brooke's Bliss
Brooke understood.“You make it sound like it’s hard.I feellike I need to work, too.I always have.Even as a kid I would make clothes formy dolls and later for myself.”
“It’s not exactly the same.I would bet you can write downyour ideas and come back to them later,” Shane explained.“Bay’s mind doesn’twork that way.If he sees something that sparks him, he has to sit down.Mostlyright then.It’s why he carries a small sketchpad at all times.Well, when he’snot on top of a horse working he does.”
“And Shane makes sure to replace it when I’m getting closeto it being full.”Bay sighed.“I don’t function well on my own.I sometimeswonder what my life would have been like if I hadn’t had Shane.If he’d been myfull brother and there had been some years between us.He likes to talk abouthow he’s the one who doesn’t have talent, but my talent means nothing withoutShane around to balance me.I just… You should know I’m not whole.”
Her heart constricted.They were both broken and yet therewas something so sweet about them.Had they survived because they had eachother?Her brothers had been born as halves of a whole.They were those twinswho could sense what the other felt, could finish each other’s sentences,couldn’t be apart for long.
Bay and Shane weren’t twins, but they functioned a lot likeMax and Rye.
Was that why she was so deeply attracted to them?Becausethey reminded her of the men who raised her?Because they offered thepossibility of the odd stability she had as a kid?
“You are whole,” she whispered, touching Bay’s face.“And sois Shane.I am, too, but I feel like there’s a hole in my life.”
“Because you lost your job?”Shane asked.
She thought about it for a moment.Honesty.How could shefigure out what was wrong with her life if she wasn’t honest?“I don’t thinkI’ve been happy for a long time.It’s more than the job.I feel adrift.I likethe city but I miss being here.When I’m here I miss the city.I loathed somuch about my job.Not the design part but the work part.The company.And yetwhen I lost the job I felt like I lost part of myself.I think I’m a littlefucked up.”
“I feel that way all the time.”Shane’s hands moved on herskin, like he needed the contact.“I think what you’re trying to do is findyour place.”
No.That would be ridiculous because she’d gone to collegeand did grad work at Parsons and lived in the greatest city in the world.Sheknew who she was and what she wanted.
Didn’t she?It wasn’t like she was a teen anymore.She’dmade decisions a long time ago.She’d set herself on a path.This whole thingwith the firing was nothing more than a speedbump.She would find another joband go back to New York and back to working fifty plus hours a week in atoo-small apartment she wouldn’t be able to afford.She would design fastfashion T-shirts that would end up in a landfill.
“Hey, it’s okay.”Shane drew her back.“You don’t have toknow everything right now.You should just be glad you don’t have his brain.”
She realized Bay had gotten up.She glanced around and hehad grabbed a small sketch book from his kit and had a pencil in his hand.Hemoved it across the page.
“What’s he doing?”she asked.
“He found something interesting in the way you look.I toldyou sometimes he can’t help it and he needs to work.It gets hard when he’s outon the range or driving somewhere.It’s why I have to make sure I’m around himmost of the time,” Shane admitted.“I would bet that book is getting anothernot-safe-for-work drawing.”
“He’s drawing me?”Brooke sat up.It felt weird.Like he wastaking a picture of her naked.“I don’t know that I like that idea.I don’twant naked pictures of me.”
“Could you show her?I know you’re in the middle of a flash,but your genius can wait for a second so she’ll feel comfortable,” Shanerequested.She noticed he’d sat back.He didn’t cover himself but there was adefinite withdrawal.
Bay frowned but passed her the book.“It’s kind of new.Istarted it right before we left the last job, so it’s not quite full yet.”
Brooke took the book and flipped through the pages.
There were drawings of dogs and horses, a ranch she didn’trecognize.A young woman with tears in her eyes and a man watching her from theshadows.There was an odd menace to the work at the beginning of the notebook.Like no matter how sweet the subject was, there was a darkness surrounding it.And then it changed.There was a picture of Jennifer Talbot standing in frontof an easel, little Logan playing with toy cars at her feet.Somehow he broughtlight to a black and white pencil drawing.There was a drawing of the Christmastrees at the town hall where they’d had the annual holiday party.Sherecognized her niece.Mel was holding her up and letting Paige put the star onthe beet tree.
Tears pierced her eyes because there was so much sweetnessin the drawing.
He was a master.He brought more than simple pictures tolife.He’d caught Paige’s grin, her shining light.He captured Mel’s softness,his willingness to open his heart to all kids.
She turned the page and stopped.
It was her.She stood in the middle of town hall, a glass ofwine in her hand and a brilliant smile on her face and yet…she felt heraloneness.She was beautiful, but a little lost.Lovely but damaged.
He saw her.He knew her.Somehow without spending hours andhours, he saw the basic truths of her life.
She turned the page again, and now every other picture wasof her.
“Uhm, some of those obviously didn’t happen.They were in mymind or sometimes I sketched the pictures you posted on social media.”Baysounded embarrassed.
But the pictures were gorgeous.There were pictures of herstaring at him like she wanted to eat him alive, desire stamped on herfeatures.She held out two hands, seeming to offer herself to them both.Therewas a picture of her lying back on a bed with big hands on her body.One of herwith her head thrown back at the moment of orgasm.
He had a vivid imagination.
