Page 30 of Next Time Will Be Our Turn
“Mostly about me liking g—”
“Oh my god!” I screamed, standing up so abruptly that my chair teetered and almost toppled over.
Everyone jumped.
“What?” Mama said.
“I—ow, I just bit my tongue really hard. Ow.” That sounded so fake, even to my own ears.
“Are you okay?” Ellery said, confusion and concern written all over her face.
“I—yeah. Oof. Sorry, everyone.”
Iris rolled her eyes. Mama sighed and shook her head. Before anyone could return to the awful conversation, I quickly said, “So, anyway, Ellery and I are going to start college apps soon.”
“Good,” Mama said. She loved talking about college. “What are your top choices?”
“Irvine,” Ellery said. “Berkeley. But I don’t know if I’ll get in to any of those. They’re pretty competitive.”
“You’ll get in,” I said loyally. She looked at me, and I bit my lip at how tender her expression was.
“Do you have a boyfriend, Ellery?” Mama said. “Where is he applying to?”
The food in my mouth turned to cement.
Ellery shook her head slowly, her gaze ping-ponging back and forth from Mama to me. Everything inside me was cringing. I stared at her desperately, willing her to read my mind, to know how sorry I was, but to please, please, please not tell Mama about Trish. After an eternity, she finally said, “No. I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“Really? You are so beautiful, I am very surprised to hear that. I bet you have many boys going after you.”
Just as I was about to lose my shit, help came from the most unexpected person in the room—Iris, who groaned loudly. “Oh my god, who cares? I’m so sick and tired of everything havingto do with boys. Look at us, a roomful of women—well, three women and one child,” she said, nodding at me pointedly, “and we can’t find anything to talk about other than boys?”
Mama glowered at her. Talking back to your elders was a huge no-no. Talking back to your elders in front of others was practically as bad as murder. In fact, maybe it’s considered worse than murder, as long as the murder victim isn’t an elder. But Mama didn’t want to lose her temper in front of Ellery. I could see her jaw clench for two seconds before releasing. Then she forced a smile. “Okay, why don’t you tell me about Ohio? What is it like?”
I released my breath and reminded my neck muscles to loosen. As Ellery regaled Mama with stories about Ohio, I glanced at Iris. Our eyes met, and I tried to convey in silence just how grateful I was to her for changing the subject. But Iris being Iris, all she did was snort and roll her eyes, leaving me to wonder if she knew how timely her interruption had been. That was Iris through and through: you never knew exactly whose side she was on, whose purpose she was serving. At the time, I thought it was part of her whole image about being an enigma. Now, I think she was just as confused as the rest of us were. She was just a lot better at hiding how lost she was.
Chapter 10
MAGNOLIA
1999–2000
Mama was the one who took me to the DMV for my driving test. She seemed genuinely surprised when I passed, I guess because she never taught me how to drive. Afterward, she took me out to brunch, where we got red velvet pancakes and pumpkin smoothies and Mama gave me a lecture about driving safely. It was the first time I’d seen Mama so concerned about me. I think maybe she only realized then how I was on the cusp of adulthood. She’d missed so much of my childhood. I didn’t hold it against her, and I still don’t. She was grappling with a lot, including her own identity as a woman, as a doctor, and as a wife. But just because you don’t hold something against someone doesn’t mean it stops hurting you.
When we got home, I jogged over to Ellery’s place. Ellery never closed her door when she was home. She kept it cracked open, and I liked to think it was for my benefit. I gave it a cursory knock before pushing it open. Ellery was sitting on her bed,her laptop propped up on her lap and an array of papers around her.
“How did it go?”
I chewed on my lower lip, making a sad face.
“Aww. C’mere.” Ellery put her laptop aside and cleared a space next to her on the bed. I climbed in and sat next to her. She put an arm around me and squeezed before letting go. Why did she always have to let go so quickly? “Don’t feel bad, I failed my first time too.”
“Really?” I was genuinely surprised by that. Ellery always seemed so comfortable at the wheel.
“Yeah. I was a nervous wreck. I almost ran a stop sign. I caught it just in time, braked super hard, then panicked and yelled, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, oh god!’ ”
I stared at her for a second. I could imagine it so clearly in my mind, seventeen-year-old Ellery panicking and shouting “sorry” to the driving instructor, and the image made me want to hug her.
“Are you trying not to laugh?” Ellery said.
