Page 55 of Next Time Will Be Our Turn
The corners of Iris’s mouth twisted down. “I don’t want to go ‘scorched earth’ on him, Magnolia. I don’t want this to get ugly. It would ruin all of us. Not just Erik. Look how Mama and Papa reacted when they found out. They blamed me. They haven’t even bothered reaching out to me this whole time. You think anyone else would react any differently? They’d be disgusted by his behavior, of course, but at the end of the day, they’d blame me for pissing him off.”
My eyes burned with tears, and I quickly blinked them away. If I started crying then, Iris would have to comfort me, and that wouldn’t be fair to her. This wasn’t about me. Still, despite knowing that, it was impossible not to be overwhelmed by frustration. Not to want to tear things up and scream into the night. Why was it so fucking difficult to be a woman in this goddamn culture? No matter how hard we fought, it felt like everything was set up to kick us back down. Erik could beat the shit out of Iris and get away with it because the system ensured her silence. And not only get away with it but continue to keep her under his thumb, slowly squeezing the life out of her until she begged for mercy.
“Meet more investors,” I said. “There must be tons of them out there, ones who don’t know Erik.”
“It’s a small industry, especially here. And you know how Chinese-Indos do business.”
I did know. The Chinese-Indonesian network rivaled that of the CIA’s. Everybody knew everybody’s business. Anyone who was anyone would be connected somehow—you only had to come to a wedding to know that this was true. It was the whole reason why our wedding receptions averaged two thousand guests. Everyone was somebody’s aunt’s cousin’s husband’s sister’s daughter. And whatever they did would be whispered through a hundred pairs of ears, eventually coming back full circle. There would be no other investor whose ears hadn’t been poisoned by Erik’s words.
“What about Singapore?” I said, my voice coming out high-pitched with desperation. “You could go there and look for investors.”
“God, I don’t even know where to begin with Singapore.” Iris buried her face in her hands, and for a few moments, the only sounds in the room were our breathing. After a while, she heaved a long sigh and said, “I’m going to bed.” She picked up her wineglass, then the bottle, and trudged out of the kitchen. “Good night.”
I watched helplessly, hating that there was nothing I could do. In the end, I retired to bed myself, pretending I was asleep when Parker finally came home, though sleep was the furthest thing from my mind. I listened to Parker’s gentle snores and thought of how I should be grateful that my husband wasn’t like Erik. Then I thought:You stupid bitch, what a dumb thing to think.
• • •
The next few days, Iris didn’t bother going into the office. She stayed home and barely showered, which, in a tropical country, was quite the decision to make. Even Hazel avoided her, slapping her away whenever she tried to come in for a hug. I hated seeing Iris like that, and not just because of the smell. For as long as I’d known her, Iris had been a fighter. This was the first time I’d seen her so deflated, that brilliant fire of hers snuffed out. And there was nothing I could do for her.
“How long is she going to be like that?” Parker muttered one night as we got ready for bed.
I very nearly snarled at him. “I don’t know, however long it takes to get over the fact that her abusive husband has assassinated her career, I guess.”
Parker sighed. “It’s not that I’m not sympathetic, but…she needs to get over it, you know?”
I looked at him, my handsome, patient husband, and I wanted to hit him. “Would you get over it if you were her?”
“I would,” he said with the confidence that only someone who could never see himself in her situation could muster.
There was no use continuing the conversation. I shook my head and went to brush my teeth. Another sleepless night, wondering what I could do to help Iris. Another night spent silently railing against the patriarchy, feeling hopeless, feeling useless. It had been so easy back at Cal, my mind burning with the voices of feminists before me who poured their rage into moving essays. But what good were essays here? How could I, trapped as a glorified housewife, put any of what I’d learned into use? Neverbefore had the futility of existing as a woman in my culture been more apparent.
I should’ve known that Iris, with her brilliant, busy mind, wouldn’t allow herself to be beaten by the system. Not for long. One morning, I woke up and found her revived, her face shining once again. Hope fluttered in my chest and I placed Hazel in her high chair.
“Good news?” I said.
Iris handed me a cup of freshly brewed coffee. “Yes, actually.”
I couldn’t keep the excitement out of my voice. “Did you find an investor?”
“No.” Her smile faded a little. “And I don’t think I ever will here. But it doesn’t matter, because I got a job!”
“A job?” The coffee mug hovered just below my mouth. Something was off, I could tell.
“It’s…back in LA.”
“What?” I had to put down the mug before I spilled coffee everywhere. “But—how? What?”
“Trust me, I know how crazy it sounds. But I couldn’t spend another day wasting away here. I overheard you and Parker talking, I know I’ve long overstayed my welcome—”
“No, Iris. No. Not at all. I want you to stay.”
“I know you do, but I don’t want to come between you and Parker. It’s not going to be healthy for your marriage in the long run. Trust me.” She patted my arm. “Now, let me make you some breakfast, and—”
“No!” I cried so loud that Hazel jerked up in her high chair. She looked back and forth between me and Iris, then her little face screwed up and she began to wail. “Oh, sorry, baby.” Iscooped her up and hugged her to me, and the proximity of her little body only fed into my desperation. I couldn’t lose her or Iris. Not now. When Hazel finally calmed down, I said, “Can we please talk about this?”
“It’s a great job, Magnolia. It’s a medium-sized tech company run by women, making apps for women. I would get health care. It even includes childcare. I can’t pass it up.”
It did sound amazing, even I had to admit that. How selfish would I be to talk her out of it, especially when all that awaited her here was a burning pile of rubble? “Would Erik be okay with you taking Hazel out of the country?”
