Page 70 of Next Time Will Be Our Turn
Ellery said, completely serious, “You ruined the bar.”
My smile disappeared, the last layer of defense I had evaporating. No more jokes. No more anger. No more misunderstandings.
“I love you, Magnolia. Always have.”
I had nothing left to give but the truth, and so I finally said it. It was an admission both to Ellery and to myself. The words, when they came out of my mouth, burned my lips. “I love you too, Ellery. I always have.”
Then we were kissing, our lips crushing almost painfully together. We were so hungry for each other, desperately so. Her hands cupped my face, gentle, so gentle, and I clung to her, pressing the entire length of my body up against hers. I couldn’t bear to have any space between us. I had to have every inch of my skin against Ellery’s. She scooped me up at some point and carried me to bed, still kissing me, whispering in my ear, murmurs of love and promises that I lapped up hungrily. We couldn’t get our clothes off fast enough. Like I said, we couldn’t bear to have anything between us. We pressed tight against each other, and when we started moving together, she said my name like a prayer. I cried out her name like a promise. When we were with each other, it was more than sex, more than anything else I’d ever had. It was sacred. It felt like coming home.
Afterward, I lay curled up in her arms, my face in the crook of her neck while she stroked my hair. I’d never felt so fulfilled in my life. So safe. That’s what I loved most about Ellery. How safe she made me feel. Her other hand was splayed protectively across my waist, her fingers brushing my skin as softly as a feather. I breathed in her scent, wanting to remember every ounce of it, imprint it into my mind. The smell of Ellery’s warm skin and both of our sex intermingled together. She kissed the top of my head and murmured, “I love you. I love you. I love you. My Tulip.”
I lifted my head and kissed her and said the same words back to her. After so many years of hiding it, we couldn’t say it enough times to each other. “I love you, Ellery. I love you, I love you.” Still, the words weren’t enough. I should’ve said,You are my world, Ellery. You are my home.I should’ve said,I was lost until you. I can only rest here, in your arms.
“Call me that again,” I said.
“Tulip?”
“Doesn’t matter. Just add ‘my’ in front of it.”
Ellery smiled down at me. “My Tulip.”
“Mm,” I sighed.
“My Magnolia. My love,” she whispered.
“My Ellery.”
“Oh, you’re right. That is hot. Wow.”
I laughed. “My big dork.”
“Still hot.” Ellery cupped my face and pulled me in for a long, deep kiss. “Call me your Ellery again.”
“I love saying, ‘My Ellery.’ I love calling you mine. And I love you calling me yours.”
Hers, hers, hers. I caressed the words in my mind, enjoyedthe feel of them. Her love. Her Magnolia. I was hers, and she was mine, and I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather be than Ellery’s love. I’d never wanted to possess someone and be possessed like this. I never got the same shot of joy when I referred to Parker as mine, my boyfriend, then my husband. It was just a label I never thought much about. This was different, so different. I wanted to scream it at the world. Ellery was mine! I was hers!
We made love again and again that day, stopping to doze off in each other’s arms before waking up and devouring each other all over again. I liked sex, I enjoyed sex with Parker, and before that with previous partners. But this wasn’t just sex. This was our love story coming together in a beautifully aching moment. I couldn’t have enough of her, and it was obvious she felt the same way. At times, we cried as we shattered against each other, clutching our bodies helplessly, knowing there was no turning back after this.
I can see you squirming and wanting to stop existing, Izzy. I’m not telling you the intimate details of my sex life to torture you. I’m trying to tell you that when it’s with the right person, when it’s with your soulmate, whoever that person may be, sex isn’t just sex. It becomes the essence of truth. All of the bullshit and the lies are stripped bare, and you are vulnerable in front of each other, no defenses, and it’s beautiful. One day you’ll find it.
By the time we finally pried ourselves loose from each other, the sun had gone down. I was exhausted. So was Ellery. We could barely form the energy to plod into the bathroom for a hot shower. And still we managed to explore each other’s bodies in the shower while hot water cascaded down our skin. Sorry, that was too much information again, wasn’t it? I just get carriedaway. Can you blame me? It was a magical day. Best day of my life.
Afterward, Ellery made us some chamomile tea and we cuddled on her sofa, sipping our hot drink.
“I’ll stay,” I said.
“Oh, baby.” Ellery wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. “That makes me so happy to hear.”
It made me scared as hell, but it also made me happy. “I’m leaving Parker.” The words sounded so unreal, but saying them gave them power. I said it again, more for my sake than anyone else’s. “I’m leaving him. I’m going to tell him that I’m not going back with him. Oh my god.”
“It’ll be okay.”
“I’ll move in with Iris.”
Ellery was quiet for a bit. Then she said, “This sounds crazy, I know, but I was kind of hoping you might want to move in with me?”
I turned my head and stared at her. “What? Are you serious?”
