Page 38 of Let's Talk About Love
(And maybe to slip back into that dream to figure it out.)
She’d fallen asleep during each presentation—she even snored herself awake at one point. And of course, Aisha had called the second the seminar ended. Alice ignored the first call, wanting to eat beforetalking to her, but Aisha called back as they pulled into the library parking lot.
“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” Alice answered. She covered the speaker with her hand. “Walk me inside?” she asked Ryan. “I want to show you the new literacy center. They let me codesign the layout.”
He nodded, turning off the car and removing his seat belt.
“I’m not in the mood. Don’t test me,” Aisha warned. “How was it? Did you learn anything?”
(Dry as toast. Boring as a snail race.)
(She learned she should just buy a house with her tuition money, because she would end up sleeping through class. Might as well get some equity or whatever her dad was always ranting about out of that money.)
“Yeah. It was great. Ryan said he learned a lot, too.”
“Keep your sins to yourself,” Ryan hissed as they walked toward the entrance. “Don’t put that lie on me.” He didn’t fare any better, but slept as silent as death. A pair of sunglasses and he was out cold in the first twenty minutes.
“Which field do you think you’d like the best?” Aisha pressed.
“Well, I don’t know. I got some pamphlets and handouts. I think I need to review them a few more times.”
“Okay. I’ll tell Mom to expect a call from you soon.”
“Yes. Soon. But not now or today or this week. I wouldn’t even bet on this month, to be honest.”
“Alice.”
“Fine. I’ll call her. Soon. Ish. I’m at work now. Good-bye.”
Ryan laughed as Alice kicked the air in frustration. “Why are they doing this to me?”
“Pretty sure it’s because they love you,” he replied, ever determined to be the voice of reason she loved.
“Why does everyone keep saying that? I don’t wonder whether ornot they love me. I know they do. They don’t trust me, which is just as important, I think. I’m the baby. I get it. I wasn’t supposed to exist, but I do, so it’s like they think they know what’s best for me since Adam and Aisha turned out great. They have all the shortcuts figured out and I’m just supposed to take them because they say so.”
“Sounds like you don’t trust them either.” He held up his hands when she gave him a death glare. “I’m just saying.”
Alice led him to the right, past the media-center shelves. There wasn’t much available space—it was a small old building—and any substantial renovations would require the library to close. They did the best they could with what they had.
“Ta-da,” she said, holding out her arms. Light poured in from the large paned windows onto two rows of rectangular desks. The third row housed computers with their screens turned away from the sun in cubicles big enough for two seats. “It’s not much, but I read a thing where it said it’s better to study in natural light, so I tried to utilize the windows and skylight as much as possible.
“I wanted to put posters up, but they said no. They didn’t want it to feel condescending since this section is technically for adults. I did get to do this, though.” She pointed to three half-size bookcases that lined one wall just under the windows. “Staff, volunteers, and tutors get to select which books go here. It’s supposed to be the books that made us passionate about reading. Anyone who visits the center at least three times is allowed to add to it. Essie set up a special donation fund to buy books specifically for this shelf.”
“Nice,” Ryan said. “But what did you pick? You don’t exactly read a lot.”
She pointed to the spine of her first book selection.
“I should have known.” He laughed. “Remember how mad we were about the leaked TV pilot?”
“Oh God, it wasawful.”
She looped their arms together and tugged Ryan back toward the entrance. Sometimes it was easy to forget that they had a connection that didn’t involve Feenie. They had their own inside jokes and memories and traditions. He wasn’t always around, but she could go to him when it mattered. Ryan seamlessly filled the spaces that Feenie couldn’t.
For her, they were two halves of the same whole. Alice needed them both.
“They don’t listen to me,” she said after a moment, wanting his advice. “My parents. I always did everything I was supposed to without complaining. It’s my life, but I’m still waiting for my turn to be in charge.”
“When you said that, I pictured you and your parents in a car and you’re climbing from the backseat into the front, trying to take the wheel.”
