Page 61 of Looking for Love in All the Haunted Places
Lucky laughed as she drove them out of the garage and back to the house. “That’s pretty much it. Although, I am low-key fascinated by the flip side of things. What it’s like to rip off someone’s clothes in unbridled desire, to be so lost I can’t think straight, and I need them right at that moment. Nailing someone to the wall with smoldering gazes while my lower body quivers and jumps with desire unleashing a waterfall. Romance books really sell it. They make it all sound so…fantastic.” She scrunched her nose. “But I don’t experience any of that. I don’t think about people in that way. And I reallyhatepretending that I do, so I don’t. Ever. I am who I am.”
“Amen to that.”
“People really discount how important acknowledging attraction,orlack thereof, can be in a relationship. They can pretend like it’s not until they’re blue in the face, but at the end of the day someone’s going to end up getting hurt way worse than if they’d been honest and communicated in the first place.” She’d been holding that in for a while and now that she started, she felt like she had to get it all out. “Iknowthey’re scared of being seen as superficial or shallow because it reads like a moral failing. I understand where they’re coming from, but I was rarely extended the same courtesy.”
Georgia held up a hand. “Okay, hold on, you’re at about a nerdy level ten. Can you scale it back to like a three?”
“Sorry,” she said, embarrassed. “I get carried away sometimes.”
“No, no, it’s only ’cause I’m drunk.Soberme can handle your nerdy level ten. Test me tomorrow. I’ll prove it.” She giggled.
Lucky considered taking her up on that offer too. She never had a chance to talk about her feelings on the topic aloud before. It was strangely…freeing. Dating and romance and relationships had been on the back burner for so long they disintegrated into ashes. She’d accepted that she’d end up sacrificing more of herself than her partners and that simply wasn’t what she wanted for her life. Why chase happily-ever-after rainbows when she could seek out the supernatural?
Still, she did have some regrets. One, specifically.
“I think this might be level three?” Deciding to try being as frank as Georgia, Lucky admitted, “I’ve never had romantic, sensual sex. I think about it sometimes.”
“Candlelight. Roses. Massages. Silk sheets? Hmm?”
“Ehh, no. That seems like it’s straying a bit close to performance for me.”
“Foreplay?”
“No.” Lucky concentrated on the full moon for strength before turning her gaze back to the road. “I’ve never fallen in love before. I meant having sex with someone I’m deeply in love with. I wonder if it would feel different. What would it mean to me emotionally? Would it be better?Worse?I don’t know.”
“Ooh, that’s a good question. It feels different for me. Let me try to explain.” Georgia’s brow furrowed in concentration. “Outside of overwhelming desire it’s like there’s this mental tether between us, keeping us perfectly in sync.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I think so. I mean, I’m not one hundred percent sure. It’s honestly hard to separate each individual feeling and put them in little boxes like I think you’d do—remember, level three.” She tapped her forehead and hiccupped. “It could also be the alcohol making me sound like a dumb bitch, who knows? But there was this moment with my first boyfriend after we’d been having sex for a couple of weeks. It had just stopped being awkward and we finally got to a place where we had it down, you know? We were in the middle of it and he saidI love youfor the first time and it was like my brain exploded. I remember being so shocked and I just…I just started bawling my eyes out.
“I’m crying like somebody died, he’s flipping out because he doesn’t know what happened, every inch of my body is so overwhelmed I feel like I’m never gonna recover. Think about it: I was seventeen, extremely hormonal, and on birth control for the first time. I didn’t stand a fucking chance.” She added softly, “I loved him with all of my heart, body, and soul.”
“Oh, wow. I can see how that would have such a memorable impact on you. Has that feeling happened again?”
She nodded. “Yeah, and I only know it because with that person, the lust was out of fucking control, and when it calmed down, I stayed anyway because I wanted to. Wild.”
“I wish I understood lust and sexual attraction outside of theory.”
“You’re definitely missing out.” Georgia laughed.
“I don’t think I am,” Lucky disagreed, with a headshake. She couldn’t miss something she didn’t experience in the first place. “To me, it’s like watching everyone enjoy eating chocolate cake but I’m deathly allergic to chocolate and wheat. I’ll be fine without thatspecificcake. There are countless other types and substitutions I can try so I can find something that I likeifI want to. I just wonder about that one from time to time because it’s everywhere.”
“Well, if that’s the case, I wouldn’t. You’re ace and nerdy, babes—you gotta find a way to make that work for you.”
•••
Back at the guesthouse, Lucky found Maverick sitting in the window seat nook. The cozy kind with a firm mattress, throw blankets, and built-in overhead lights.
“Georgia good?”
He looked sleepy, as if he were once again staying up just for her, but his eyes brightened as she sat in front of him, pulling a pillow into her lap. “Tucked into bed with a bucket just in case.”
“She’ll be fine. You’d be surprised how much she can drink and work the next day with no issues,” he said. “Ready for tomorrow?”
“Ready for you to regret wanting me here. I’m really not an actress. You’ll see.”
“The script is more of a guide. Don’t worry about delivering the lines as written. If it doesn’t feel right, improvise.”
