Page 61 of The Marriage Narrative
“I wouldn’t do that,” she promised. “I think you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to solve all your family’s problems because you feel guilty.”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “Yeah. I missed so much of the twins growing up and my parents are getting older. I thought being here could change things. Help them see outside of the bubble they’re trapped in.”
“See, that’s the thing. They’re not trapped. You can’t save them from something they want to do. The mostyoucan do is give your family options and let them choose. Lulie made a choice today. You don’t have to like it, but you do have to accept that it happened. Scoot over.”
She stood up, squeezed onto the chair beside him, and rested her head on his shoulder. He intertwined their fingers, kissed the back of her hand, and pressed it against his chest.
That was the first time he’d done that inside the bungalow.Kisses of any kind were strictly game behavior. She forced herself not to react toFEELING JORDAN’S HEARTBEAT.
She was fine.
“No one comes in here except us,” she said. “How did Lulie find out?”
“Housekeeper gossip. Why else would they need to make up two beds?” His short, derisive laugh was mostly air. “I really have been away too long. We walked right into that setup.”
“Sleptright into that setup, actually.” She’d promised jokes. He’d given her a kiss. An idea was formed. She gazed up at him. “So,shouldwe start sleeping together? Or would that be too obvious?”
Jordan’s left eyebrow twitched. “That’s an option.” He spoke slowly, focused on her face. “Or we could come up with an explanation that fits into our storylines.”
“We could say I hate the way you snore. It keeps me up at night and I’m a monster when I’m sleep-deprived, which is true. It’d be very modernNewlywedsof us.”
“Brilliant idea.” He tapped her nose. “Let’s use that as the punch line when we explain this in our sit-down interview. The setup should be spicier.”
“Mmm,” she agreed. He had a point. Not sleeping in the same bed didn’t mean they weren’t having sex, which was the underlying accusation. “What are you thinking?”
“We sleep apart because we’re testing our relationship. We want to prove to each other that what we have is real by giving up sex.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Did you come up with that just now? On the spot?”
“I’ve had this change in mind for a while,” he admitted with a shrug. “Abstaining from sex could recontextualize why you were so jumpy in the beginning. Touching each other, even a little bit,was too overwhelming. It took us some time to be okay with basic affection, which is where we are now, and it’s noticeably escalating, which we agreed is best.”
“Oh,andI’ve been replacing sex with exercise. I struggle-run for almost an hour on workdays to help me stay calm.”
He gave her an appreciative look. “That’s good. Not the needing to, just the staying calm part. I’m sorry,” he added quickly.
“It’s okay. I’m terrible at it and I hate it, but it does wear me out most days. Do you think that will be enough?”
“I think they’ll be so shocked that I’m willing to talk about our marriage on camera that they’ll take whatever we give them. They ask me about you all the time.”
“Why? What are they hoping for?”
“Questions to answers I’ll never give them.” He held her gaze. “I sold my image. Not my soul. Not my secrets. I won’t let them have everything that’s important to us. We have to keep some things for ourselves.”
Zinnia nearly swooned. Even while drowning in artifice and nurturing their storylines, he still made it a priority to put their marriage first. It made her heart sing, trilling for so long she felt lightheaded.
“I think we should sleep together.”
He blinked. “I think I need you to stop saying that.”
“Why? I agree with you—wecan’tlet them have everything important to us, but they’re going to keep trying to take it. If we start sleeping together now, on our terms, we’ll be ready when they try to set us up like that again.”
Jordan ended his silent, staring contemplation by muttering, “You mean sleeping in the same bed. Yeah. You’re right.” He leaned back and threw his free arm over his eyes.
Of course that was what she’d meant. She wouldn’t have asked about sex like that. Did he even know her at all? Yeah. Hedid. Sharing a bed with him would’ve been impossible otherwise. “But I also want to do it for me,” she added.
He partially lifted his arm. She hoped there’d never come a time when she was too nervous to look him in the eye and ask for what she wanted.
“You have a tattoo. I’ve never seen it. I know almost nothing about your body.”
