Page 77 of The Marriage Narrative
Eyes closed, she concentrated on listening to Luther sing his soulful heart out. Feeling so sentimental so often was fairly new for her. Something about Jordan managed to not only knock the feeling loose, but also extract it like a baby tooth—making much-needed space for stronger emotions to grow in its place.
When she opened her eyes, she watched Jordan staring at the ceiling. He’d stretched out next to her.
She shook out her blanket and flung some of it over his chest to share.
He laughed softly, fondly. “I’m all right.”
She made a quick disagreeing grunt and moved closer to give him more.
“Ah.” Finally getting the message, he rolled onto his side to face her and held still while she made sure he was covered too.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Zin.”
She found his hand to hold under the blanket. “Today sucked, but this is really nice. What’s your perfect Friday night? In general.”
He thought about it. “Can I cheat a little? My perfect weekend is sailing.”
“You have a boat?”
“I rent a boat.”
“But you could buy a boat if you wanted to.” She grinned. “I’ve always wanted to shake my ass on a yacht.”
He squeezed her hand. “Renting is better for the economy and planet, now shush. I prefer sailboats. Casting off feels similar to going on a long drive. I just zone out, ignore everything, and get lost in my thoughts. Spend some time taking pictures. Read a little, but usually the current knocks me out before I even make it to the second page. It’s peaceful. I know that sounds boring.”
“If you think that, then you don’t know anything,” she joked.
“Well, here it is. I’m supposed to want to go to parties, drink and do drugs, gossip and network. I’ve always wanted to have a quiet life.”
“I’ve always wanted the kind of quiet life you share with another person,” she whispered. “Could I go with you sometime?”
“Sailing? Yeah. I’d love that, actually.” He was braver than her—never needing to hide behind whispers. His warm browneyes shone in the candlelight as he said, “Everything feels quiet when I’m with you.”
She was breathing so fast, too fast. Growing pains were normal. These moments were supposed to hurt.
“I know you have Grace and Fiona, but I’m never not hoping you’ll remember that you have me too.”
Holding her breath seemed like a good idea.
“I need you to believe me, Zinnia. You have me. Completely.”
Her lungs were getting tight.
“Whenever, however, and whatever you need. I’ll be there.”
She was running out of air.
“Here. Right here beside you.”
She inhaled and kissed him.
Her senses overdosed on him—his familiar scent conjuring memories of his beautiful face, the mix of smooth skin and stubble under her trembling hands, the lingering taste of sugar and citrus on his tongue, his deep inhales and throaty exhales, the feel of his heartbeat against her chest. She hadallof him, all at once.
The day had finally taken its toll because Zinnia officially lost her mind. Jordan would pull away. He would calmly explain to her that no, kissing wasn’t okay. This wasn’t what he’d meant at all. She kept kissing him while waiting for him to let her down gently.
Her negative thoughts almost blocked out the fact that he was doing the exact opposite.
