Page 120 of The Marriage Narrative
She’d lost years being angry at them until she realized she was projecting. All they’d ever seen her do was fail—at school, at church, making friends—and be miserable. She believed she was a lost cause. They had to believe she was one too.
That couldn’t have been further from the truth.
“I didn’t tell you because he doesn’t love me,” she said. “We didn’t fall in love and run away together. We had meetings to discuss our options and make sure our values aligned. I know that’s not what you were hoping for.”
“You think he doesn’t love you?” Her mom crossed her arms, head tilted to the side. “The man you brought here—the one you calledhusband. You thinkhedoesn’t love you?”
“I’m saying that’s not why we got married. I know being in love is important to you and Dad. I wanted to wait until I had proof that my way could work too.”
“I heard what you said. Now answer my question.”
“What question?”
A loudcracksounded from inside the house. Zinnia spotted her dad pass by a window and almost yelled.“Are they in the den?!”
“Mind your business,” her mom said calmly.
That was where her dad kept all his weapons. He was a super Christian who firmly believed in the Second Amendment and self-defense.
She’d always remember the fight her parents had when her dad decided to sign her up for boxing. He’d said, “She’s a little girl getting beat up by other little girls. Boxing will give her the tools to decide how she wants to protect herself in the world.”
Her dad was amazing, and she loved him, but he could also be overprotective in unexpected ways.
“There’s literally no reason for them to be in the weapons den! Jordan isn’t a threat.”
“Stop deflecting.”
“I’m not!”
“Then focus on yourself,” her mom ordered. “I know times are different. Your dad and I always try to keep an open mind, but what exactly do you think ‘being in love’ means? Explain it to me.”
“I’d rather not.”
“That face of yours.” Her mom laughed and tugged Zinnia’s chin. “The point of this session isn’t to change your mind about anything. If your heart is saying he’s not in love with you, then I believe you believe it.Okay. Well, what is there, then? Because you wouldn’t have brought him all the way here if there wasn’tsomething. Trailer or no trailer.”
“He’s very important to me. I don’t want to live without him. That’s as far as I’ve gotten,” she admitted, watching the window for signs of distress.
“And why do you think that is?”
She just shook her head instead of lying to her mom.
Because creating a marriage-merger, having a business marriage, wouldn’t stop Jordan from leaving. She didn’t create a foolproofstay with mecheat code. Anyone could be abandoned. She wasn’t special.
But what she could control was how much it would hurt her when he went. If she held back her heart, when they went their separate ways, she’d still be intact. Losing him didn’t have to mean losing everything.
She didn’t ever want to feel the way she did the night of the twins’ birthday party again. Hearts like hers weren’t meant to survive that kind of pain. She’d felt like that knowing hewasn’tin love with Bea. When it happened for real, she wouldn’t—
“That’s all right. The answer will find you as long as you keep looking,” her mom promised, suddenly rubbing Zinnia’s arms. “Calm down, honey.”
The sliding glass door banged open. “The boy is fine,” her dad gruffed. “We’ll be there.”
Why did he sounddisappointed?
“Oh, how wonderful,” her mom said. “Your daughter is not.”
“Mom!”
But she was already ushering her dad back inside to talk. She was about to follow after them when Jordan appeared, all smiles.
