Page 46 of The Marriage Narrative
Fresh out the shower and wearing a polka-dot nightgown, she sat in the chair on his left. She had incredible skin—her bare, glistening shoulders alone damn near hypnotized him.
He’d walked in on her moisturizing once. The sight of her massaging gentle, efficient circles on her legs stopped him dead in his tracks and wiped his brain clean. She’d looked up and smiled, always so happy to see him.
It took a beat for guilt to knock some sense into him. They didn’t have that kind of marriage by design and never would. He’d barely managed to mumble “Never mind” before leaving her room.
Shortly after, he found out the brand name of every product she used and added them to his shopping list.
She slouched down in her seat with a little pout. “I’m tired. Suffering through the drink activity today really wore me out.”
“How about a movie, then?” he offered. Watching one never failed to cheer her up.
She nodded, brightening. “Ooh, we can finish trying those ginormous cookies we bought yesterday. You know, I heard that they just use box cake mix and a ton of butter as a recipe, which is why some of the flavors tasted a little off. Wild, if true.”
“Who said that?”
“I’ll tell you while we set up. Come on.”
Zinnia always had a story to tell. She knew someone whoknew someone who told someone else, and she was dedicated to keeping the telephone game going. He could, and often did, listen to her talk for hours.
Jordan wanted scheduled quality time to be a cornerstone of their marriage, but he never expected date night to become the best part of his day. It was just so fucking nice. He hated how simple that sounded, but it was true.Nicereflected how at peace he felt.
That was all he’d ever wanted. Someone who knew and accepted his secrets as if they were their own. Genuine feelings and living in the moment. That simplicity made being with Zinnia feel extraordinary.
She clutched a pillow to her chest and stretched out next to him on the floor in their usual nest of blankets and pillows. Close enough to feel how warm she still was from the shower, but noticeably, purposefully not touching him. Halfway through the movie, she said, “Sorry I lost it out there.” Her attention remained fixed on the screen while she gnawed on her bottom lip. “I’m not sure what’s wrong with me.”
The second they were locked away inside the bungalow, she transformed into a completely different person—herself. It’d honestly taken him two days to realize she wore a scared persona like a jacket, taking it on and off. It’d shamefully taken two more days to realizearmorwas the more apt description.
After the wedding cake incident, the twins’ pranks had slowed to a standstill thanks to his dad. Initially, Mabel had wanted to start a retaliation storyline—him and his dad relentlessly giving the twins a taste of their own chaos.
His dad had squashed it entirely. “No more of this shit. It’s time for them to grow up. Start phasing it out, effective immediately,” he’d said.
The estate was the quietest it’d ever been, but it was too late.
She held the pillow tighter, hands clenched into fists. “I keep having these, like,episodeswhere everything feels really…intense? It’s like…my brain keeps spinning like a Rolodex—do you know what that is? My grandma used to have one. I just can’t think my way out fast enough.”
“Has this ever happened before?” he asked carefully.
“No.” She shook her head and exhaled the anxious memory. “Not even when I was a kid. Back then, it was more like I just didn’t know what to do. I froze from inexperience, you know, usual growing-up stuff. This feels different.”
Jordan’s heart crashed to a stop. He’d been fantasizing about connecting deeper, practically lusting after her secrets. Her sudden confession felt like a seismic shift in their relationship. He mirrored her position, facing her. “Rolodex. Okay. What are you thinking about that makes you feel that way?”
She rolled over and stared at the ceiling with a determined look on her face. “A lot. Too much. Every time I finally feel like I’m doing a good job, something always goes wrong.Whydid I have toflinchlike that and ruin everything?” she said, frustration reaching a fever pitch. “I’ve never been married! I’ve never dated anyone! I’ve never even had a noncelebrity crush in my life and now I have to figure out how to avoid something called the fuckingfriend zone.”
Of all the things he’d expected her to say, that wasn’t on the list.
And he’d already made multiple lists about her. Listing helped him remember—things she loved, her favorite foods, stray comments, potential discussion topics, her various expressions and what he did to earn them. She was worth writing about.
“Oh, stop looking so shocked.” She rolled back onto her side, facing him head-on. “Some of us don’t havesoulmateswho areperfectin every way.”
“Bea isnotmy soulmate.” He inhaled sharply, pausing tocheck himself. Zinnia was anxious, not angry. “Our families are close. We grew up together. No one was surprised when we started dating. We broke up because I didn’t want to be onZaffre Hours, and she did. Bea chose fame over me, okay? A soulmate wouldn’t do that.”
He expected to see pity in her eyes but only found understanding. “I’m sorry. I don’t knowwhyI said that,” she said, heavy with regret. “You really lost everyone important to you, all at once.”
Jordan traded his family for privacy, but Bea was different. The last time they spoke, she’d said, “A clean break is for the best,” and never looked back. She ended up getting fired in the middle of season three.
He’d been eighteen and spiraling. Obsessively checking her social media. Getting updates from Sadie, who was stuck between her brother and her friend. Falling into a love-depression so severe his roommates at the time staged an intervention. The usual post-breakup antics that seemed melodramatic in hindsight.
“Anyway, what’s done is done. I’m happy with the choice I made.”
