Page 104 of The Friend Scheme
“Sorry,” I say, my voice coming out a little raspy. “Stop. We can’t.”
He goes still. “Dude, talk to me. What do you want?”
“I just… I keep going from wanting to be friends to not wanting to see you at all, then wanting to be, like, more than friends with you. And I can’t figure out what the smart thing to do is.”
He moves away, and his foot goes still. “Okay. I’m really confused. Do you want me to stop?”
“I don’t know. I like this. It’s just, I think kissing is too far, but urgh. I want to; Ireallywant to. But I feel like it’s a mistake. I’m sorry if I’m being frustrating. I just don’t want to do the wrong thing. I still don’t know how much I trust you.”
“You can trust me. I swear, I’m not here as a Donovan. I’m here as your friend.”
“Okay, I get that.”
“Then what makes you feel like kissing is the wrong thing?”
I push my thumb into my palm. “It’s just what my instincts are telling me. Even if you don’t have some scheme, it can’t end well, right?”
“Okay. I’m getting the impression that you like me, and you like fooling around, but you don’t want to get into a relationship, because of who we are.”
“Yes, exactly! That’s, like, totally it!”
“Right. Well, what if we just say that we’re friends who sometimes do stuff? We’re not dating or anything. We’re just two guys… trying stuff out. No pressure, and we can stop at any time. Would that be okay with you?”
“Like, friends with benefits?” I ask.
“I mean, yeah?”
Would that be okay? It doesn’t mean I’m being any more disloyal to Dad and my family than I would be if we were just friends. Nor am I putting my family in danger. Jason already knows I like guys, so even if he did tell his family about this, it wouldn’t matter.
“I think so,” I say.
He shakes his head. “I need more than that. I don’t want to do anything with you unless you’re fully sure. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.”
“Okay,” I say. “Then I’m in. Friends with benefits it is.”
“In that case, screw the movie.”
“Yeah, screw you!” I say to the TV. “I can’t believe I just said that.You know that’s my favorite movie, right? That’d be like you saying screw you toSkyrim.”
“Trust me, I know, and I appreciate it.”
He laughs, and puts his hand flat on my chest, and just holds it there.
I chew my lip. “What are you doing?”
“Touching you,” he says.
“Okay.”
He slides his hand under my shirt, until his hand is in the same spot as it was before, but under, so his palm is on my bare skin. I let myself stop thinking so much and just enjoy how it feels to be touched.
I get really into it.
“You like this?” he asks, his voice low.
“Uh-uh.”
“God you’re cute.”
