Page 114 of The Friend Scheme
“Why is this still on?”
“Because you haven’t taken it off me.”
I’m not sure it’s the safest decision, because we are out in the open. But I still pull off his shirt, and then he takes mine off me. I explore his chest and arms with my fingertips. Then he leans down again, and kisses me deeply.
It very quickly becomes apparent that I need to stop, like, right now.
I break away and press my head against the blanket. It smells earthy, like grass.
“Fuck,” I say. “Don’t move.”
He laughs a throaty laugh. It’s so hot. He doesn’t move, though, and the feelings pass.
“Hey,” he says. “I need to tell you something.” His voice is thick.
“What? You want me to take my pants off?”
“I mean, yes. But before that, you need to know something.”
I sit up. “Oh, okay. What?”
He looks nervous. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him nervous. It’s painfully endearing.
“This, um, it’s more than a friends-with-benefits thing for me. I think it always has been.”
Oh. Wow.
I mean, it is for me, too. But there’s a big difference between feeling it and saying it.
“But…,” I start.
“You don’t need to say if you like me back,” he says. “It’s okay if you don’t.”
“Dude,” I say, and then I gesture at my current predicament. I’m shirtless in the middle of a baseball field, and he’s sitting on top of me. How can he doubt how I feel about him? “I obviously like you as more than a normal friend.”
“But we’re on opposite sides,” he says. “You said that, remember?”
I want to tell him everything I’m feeling.
But I can’t.
He’s a Donovan.
Things between us have to end at some point. There’s no future where we’ll be allowed to be together. We’re always going to be who we are, and our families are always going to be our families.
But I’m not strong enough to turn down this wonderful boy.
And I owe him the truth. That’s always been our thing.
“I know what I said before. But it’s more than a friends-with-benefits thing for me, too.”
He smiles. “Sweet.”
It makes me so happy I think maybe it’s too late. I don’t know how it works. But I might already kind of love him.
Oh boy.
This is bad.
