Page 129 of The Friend Scheme
“I do. But I also feel like I don’t really know you.”
“What? How can you think that?”
“I just do. You always say we’re such good friends, but you never tell me anything real about you. And anytime I try, you shut me down really hard.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I just…”
He looks really upset, and I want to do anything I can to stop it.
“I just feel like you don’t care about me,” he says. “It’s not a good feeling, man.”
I feel tears prickle. “I do care about you! So much!”
“Then talk to me! Open up. I know it’s hard, but I think this is worth it. Show me you trust me.”
“I can’t.”
His features harden.
“I’m not really hungry anymore,” he says. “I think I might head out.”
“Wait, really?”
“I’ll message you, okay?”
“Um, sure.”
He squeezes my arm, then ducks away. He’s walking, but I feel like he’s running away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Hey there. I have something to ask you.
I’m lying diagonally across my bed, with my legs dangling over the edge, listening to a new playlist I made.
It’s the first time in days that Jason has messaged me.
I feel like he was waiting for me to message him.
And I wanted to. Obviously. But another part of me felt like he was being pretty unfair. He tried to trick me once. I think it’s fair for me to not completely trust him. I still get how he feels, but I can’t just make myself trust someone. Especially someone who has tried to trick me once before.
Then again, I do see his point. He doesn’t really know me, and I don’t really know him. Until we’re open with each other, we aren’t even that close. I know we have a lot in common, but it’s all more superficial things.
It’s enough to be friends, but if we want to go further than that, which I guess is the whole point of dating, then we need to go further.
It’s Monday night, and I’ve been avoiding all the homework I should be doing by listening to music. Mostly I’m listening to slightly sad songs, because I’m pretty sure Jason and I are going down in flames. And I don’t know how to stop it. I just can’t see myself being comfortable telling him about my family, and until I can, we can’t progress.
Still, every time I hear a song I really like, I want to message him about it. Like, I want him to know about the song “For ReasonsUnknown,” which makes me think of the drive Luke took me on when he first got his car, where we drove by the beach and he played it way too loud. We sung along, and it was, like, a perfect night. That was before Luke got so into the family stuff.
Would it be so bad to tell him?
I want Jason to know these things about me.
I just don’t want to be stupid.
I type out a response:
What’s up?
