Page 44 of The Friend Scheme
I say each word faster than I normally do. He nods.
“Well, it kind of had a big impact on me. More than I was saying before.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I was watching it, I sort of realized…”
I look into his eyes.
“Oh,” he says. “Are you saying you think Jake Gyllenhaal is totally hot?”
I nod.
It’s all I can do. I’m too scared to vocally confirm it. It’s enough, though. The job is done. I, Matt Miller, have officially admitted that I can find a guy hot.
“I mean, he is, right?” he says.
I laugh. “Yeah, he is.”
I just came out.
That sinks in. He knows about me now.
“Are you surprised?” I ask.
“Honestly, nope.”
I laugh. “And here I was, thinking I’m being stealthy.”
“It’s not that. It’s just I don’t tend to assume anyone’s sexuality. I’ve found it’s too hard to predict, anyway.”
I nod again. That checks out.
“What was it about the movie?” he asks.
“I noticed this energy about him. It’s, like, I was so drawn to him. For the first time I wanted to see what someone looked like with less clothes on. And I found myself having dreams about him. Not sex ones, just, like, normal dreams. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It was really intense. I’ve never told anyone about that, it’s so embarrassing.”
“It’s not, I totally get you. It’s kind of magic, in a way.”
“What do you mean?”
“That another person can make you feel that much.”
I mean, agreed.
“And I’ve totally felt that, too, by the way,” he continues. “I had this devastating crush on Sam Winchester fromSupernatural. I watched all the episodes, just for him.”
“Good choice. He’s hot.”
I’ve never said those words out loud.He’s hot.
It’s so simple, yet it means so much.
“Yeah,” says Jason. “He is. I think those feelings are what makes being gay worth it. Like, it’s hard, but who wouldn’t chase that feeling, you know?”
“For sure.”
He swats my shoulder. “But, hey, now we have another thing in common!”
