Page 133 of The Friend Scheme
A really hot guy wants to go on a weekend getaway with me.
We’ll share a hotel room.
I’m like 90 percent sure I’m going to lose my virginity on this trip.
I think I’m ready. I’ve done a lot of research on the internet about how to have a safe—and enjoyable—time. I think I’ve covered all the bases. After a slightly embarrassing trip to the convenience store, I have everything I’ll need.
Orwe’llneed.
I’m pretty nervous. I mean, I care about Jason a lot, and I really want to have a good time. I think I will. I know I’m so attracted to him. But I just know how awkward I can be physically. My body isn’t something I have complete control over.
I think Jason will get all of this, though.
I don’t think he’ll be nervous about it. I just get the impression he’s a fairly sexual person, and he will just know what he’s doing.
“Hey,” he says. “Whatcha thinking about?”
“Oh, um, not much.”
“You just look a little worried. Are you a nervous flier?”
I feel like saying that is better than admitting I was thinking about us having sex.
“Yeah, a little.”
He smiles. “That’s so cute. You’ll be fine. This is a lot safer than swimming at night, and you did that just fine.”
“Good point.”
I feel like I finally have the old Jason back. He got weirdly pushy for a while there. Now I feel like there’s no pressure on me. He’s just my friend. I think we’re still dating, but I’m not sure how to label us yet, as we’re definitely not boyfriends. I don’t think we could ever get there until I trust him enough to tell him about my family.
A voice over the intercom tells us that the flight is boarding.
“Ready?” he asks.
“Ready.”
The flight passed pretty quickly.
Jason and I set up a little gaming hub, using our tray tables. We played a lot ofSmash Bros. I even won a few matches, but I suspect he was going easy on those ones. He even had a small nap on the plane.
As he did, he rested his head on my shoulder. I let him. I didn’t even care that people could see us.
It was the cutest thing.
He looks so delicate when he sleeps. So vulnerable. It did funny things to my chest.
It’s kind of weird, but I feel lighter than I have in months. I’m away from my family. I have as close to total freedom as I will ever get.
This was such a good idea.
Jason moves away from me to adjust the handle on his bag. Maybe I’m taking him for granted. He’s been so great. He told me about the scheme. He told me about who he really is. Why can’t I trust him? What’s wrong with me?
He was right, before. It really is hard to date while I keep a big part of who I am totally sectioned off from him. I am totally half-assing my relationship with him. And that will never last. Sometime soon, I’ll need to decide. I should either fully commit and tell him everything.
Or I need to let him go.
The thought of that generates such a strong reaction in me. I can’t do that.
