Page 116 of My Roommate from Hell
“I’ll have your most expensive red,” says Lysteria. “My husband is paying, right, darling?”
“Of course.”
“Coke, please,” says Zarmenus.
The waiter turns to me. A droplet of sweat runs down their neck. I hope they’re getting paid well for this night.
“Just water, thanks,” I say.
“Still or sparkling?”
“Still is fine, thanks.”
They leave.
“Zarmenus tells us that you’re doing well in your classes,” says Maleilius, munching on a piece of bread.
“I think so,” I say.
“He’s being modest,” says Zarmenus. “He has straight As.”
“That’s impressive,” says Lysteria. “Do you work hard or are you naturally intelligent?”
“He’s the hardest worker I’ve ever met,” chimes Zarmenus. “He’s always studying.”
“Even more impressive.”
Lysteria smiles at me, and I feel like I might be winning her over.
“What about you, Zarmenus? How are your grades?”
“They’re getting better,” he says.
The waiter returns, placing the drinks down in front of us. I’m looking at one of the paintings when I notice a hand reaching out through the wall, making me jump. Everyone at the table turns their head as something in the shape of a human steps out of the wall. Its skin is the same pattern as the wallpaper, and covers its entire body.
“Don’t worry,” says Zarmenus, barely glancing at the thing before helping himself to a piece of bread. “It won’t hurt you. Where were we? Ah, have you decided what to order, Owen?”
A few more figures have stepped out of the wall. Each one seems to be made of the same material as the wallpaper. Some of them have antler horns, and others have talons instead of hands. I’ve lived with him long enough to trust Zarmenus, so I know they won’t hurt me.
I open the menu. The first thing of note is that there isn’t a single price attached to any of the meals. Which means they have to cost a fortune. If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.
I return my focus to the menu, and decide to order pasta with meatballs. The waiter returns, and we all order.
“Were you surprised that Hell is real?” asks Maleilius.
“I mean, yeah. It was a hell of a surprise.”
I said it accidentally, but it makes both Maleilius and Zarmenus laugh. It even earns a lip twitch from Lysteria, the corners of her mouth moving dangerously close to a smile.
“Are you religious?” asks Maleilius.
“Not really,” I say. “I guess I’m agnostic, but I don’t think about it that much.”
“What about your parents?” asks Lysteria. “I’ve found most humans get their beliefs from them.”
“Dad’s as skeptical as they come,” I say. “And Mom isn’t traditionally religious, but she believes, in a way. Her aunt passed away when she was a teenager. And even though she’s been gone for so long, Mom truly believes she’s watching over us.”
We talk for a while until the food is brought out, and the pasta looks incredible. As I twirl the pasta around my fork, one of the meatballs blinks at me. Because it’s not a meatball, like it should be. It’s an eyeball.
