Page 31 of My Roommate from Hell
Once our smoothies are ready, he and I take a seat at one of the tables. The food court is clean and nice and has all the fast-foodoptions I was rarely allowed to eat back home, since both Mom and Dad agree those foods are “more chemicals than food.” I liked to argue that all foods are technically chemicals, but that never got me anywhere. I decide I’m about to vent, and tell Tyrell everything Zarmenus has done since we started sharing a room. No clean, sanitized version. I am going to tell him what it’s actually like sharing a room with the prince of hell.
“Actually, before you say something,” he says. “There’s something you should know.”
He takes out his phone and swipes a few times, then hands it to me. On it is a TikTok profile called @My_Classmate_From_Hell. It has nearly half a million followers, and nearly two million likes. The TikToks are all of Tyrell, and in some, you can see Zarmenus. One is of the shadow monster he created to scare the protesters, and one is of him possessing the demon hunter at the school fair.
“I told you I’m a journalism student, right?” he says. “Well, I started this little project to, like, document what it’s like going to school with a demon. It’s historic, right? Plus I wanted to counterbalance all that Golden Sun nonsense out there. And, well, it took off.”
“Right,” I say, my guard up. What if Tyrell asking me to join him last night wasn’t random? What if he asked me to hang out to learn more about Zarmenus and become even more internet famous? Last night starts to transform in my memory, with his side of the story ruining the perfect image I once had. What if what I thought was a really cool friendship origin story was actually a carefully calculated scene put in place to get close to Zarmenus?
“I swear, I didn’t know you were his roommate when I asked you to hang out,” he says. “Dude, I promise it was just a coincidence.”
“Why didn’t you say anything last night?”
“I wanted to. But I thought if I told you you’d get the wrong idea and, I dunno, I love my friends but we all went to high school together and I don’t meet people very often I think I could be friends with.”
“You think you could be friends with me based on one inflatable ring battle?”
“Yes,” he says, not missing a beat.
My gut is still telling me to be careful. If I tell Tyrell anything about Zarmenus, then he could post about it to half a million people.
“I screwed this up, didn’t I?” he says, looking crestfallen. “Seriously, man, you don’t have to talk to me about Zarmenus if you don’t want to. And I won’t post anything about this. But I’d totally get if you want to stop hanging out.”
“No, it’s okay,” I say. “Promise you won’t post about this?”
“Seriously, I never will. Cross my heart, hope to die, my lips are sealed; you get the gist. I don’t want to be the kind of person who would screw over a friend to break a story.”
I trust him. A part of me thinks that could be a mistake, but I do trust him. And I still want to vent. Tyrell doesn’t seem like the type to go back on his word and screw me over. It might still be a risk, but it’s one I’m willing to take.
“Zarmenus is… nice,” I say.
“I feel like a ‘but’ is coming.”
“But he can be a little inconsiderate, I guess.”
“In what way?”
“He hooked up with someone last night,” I say. The floodgates are opening, and I can’t stop this now. “And it wasn’t the first time. And then there’s the whole protest and getting shot with a crossbow, and it’s a lot.” I let out a huff.
“I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt for the other things, because they’re not exactly his fault. But he hooked up with someone when you were there?”
“Yeah.”
“Shit, dude. And he’s done this twice?”
“Yeah, but I think he thinks I’m asleep. And I am, because it’s always really late when he comes home. But he’s loud and he wakes me up and then I have to lie there and listen to them as they, you know.” I use my hands to mime a gross make-out session.
Tyrell frowns.
“This goes beyond acceptable roommate behavior, right?” I ask.
“It most certainly does.”
“Phew. I was starting to think I was the weird one.”
“No. Man, that sucks. I’m sorry.”
“Do you think I should tell him I can hear him?”
