Page 126 of My Roommate from Hell
Zarmenus is sitting up on his bed, scrolling on his phone, like he’s been waiting for us. Our room wasn’t messy, but it’s still obvious he’s cleaned, as our space smells like cleaning spray. I’m also relieved to see that it looks normal.
“Hey,” I say, as I let them in. “Zarmenus, this is Ashley and Jackson. Ashley, Jackson, this is Zarmenus.”
Zarmenus gets out of bed, and offers his hand to Ashley. She shakes his hand, unruffled by the formality.
“I’ve heard so much about you,” says Zarmenus.
“Likewise,” says Ashley. “You were a pretty horrible roommate when you first moved in.”
“I was,” he says as he scrubs the back of his head with his hand. “But I’m better now.”
“We know,” blurts Jackson. “We know you two are fake dating.”
“Jesus,” says Ashley, and she pulls our dorm room closed. Normally I don’t notice it, but with four people in here it’s obvious how this is truly a small space. “What part about fake dating don’t you get?”
“Sorry,” says Jackson. “I’m new to this whole thing. I’m a bad liar.”
“It’s fine,” says Zarmenus as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “Owen told me he told you, we’re good.”
“I’m sorry,” Ashley says to me. “I had to tell Jackson.”
“Don’t be! It’s totally fine. I expected you to.”
It gets a little awkward, the silence stretching on for a few seconds longer than what’s comfortable.
“So,” says Zarmenus. “What’s it like being pregnant?”
“Buckets of fun,” says Ashley. “I highly recommend it.”
It gets awkward again. I think it’s because it’s clear everyone here wants it to go well, and it’s applying a lot of pressure.
“Er,” says Jackson. “What’s it like dating Owen?”
“It’s fun,” says Zarmenus, not even taking a heartbeat to think about it. “To be honest it’s a shame it has to end.”
“You’re breaking up?” asks Jackson. “Nobody told me this.”
“It’s news to me, too,” says Ashley as she crosses her arms.
“You didn’t tell them?” asks Zarmenus.
I feel like I’m on stage with a big spotlight on me.
“Why are you breaking up?” asks Ashley. “I thought it was going well?”
“He’s going back to Hell,” I say.
“I have to,” says Zarmenus. “It’s not my choice. Besides, Owen has done enough. My parents are happy with me, and I haven’t been chased off Earth with pitchforks.”
“I thought those were your thing,” says Jackson. “Joking.”
“I like you,” says Zarmenus.
Bell appears right beside Jackson’s feet. Jackson reacts in the appropriate way when an animal appears out of nowhere, and jumps backward so hard and fast that he stumbles and nearly trips over into the closet.
“There’s a cat!” he says. “It came out of nowhere!”
“You must be Bell,” says Ashley, and she bends down to pet her. “You’re so cute. Don’t try and steal my soul, okay? Because you will regret it.”
