Page 53 of The Dramatic Life of Jonah Penrose
Jonah placed a hand over his heart and grinned. “What a compliment.”
“I mean it,” Dexter said, tone surprisingly serious. “You’re amazing.” Jonah could see something in the way Dexter’s jaw clenched, something tense, something he couldn’t quite understand that made a deep pit of unease settle in his stomach.
“Thank you.”
“Will you be back next week?”
“If Colbie lets me.”
Instead of answering Dexter nodded and drank his tea. The mere mention of Colbie’s name caused a frost to edge into the room.
Dexter let out a yawn and placed his mug down beside the sink. “I should probably head home.”
“You’re not staying?”
“I don’t want to intrude more than I already have. I wasn’t like... planning on staying the night or anything.”
Jonah could feel an unpleasant sinking feeling in his stomach. “I told you I didn’t want to be a booty call, Dexter.”
“You’re not. I thought... I thought we were clear about what this was between us?”
“We were?”
“Casual,” Dexter stated simply.
Jonah nodded slowly. “Right. Casual. Yeah.”
Dexter ran his hands through his hair, his expression slightly pinched, exasperated. “Jonah, if that isn’t something you’re happy with, then we can... I don’t know. Forget this?”
“Do you want to forget it?”
“No.” He sighed. “No, of course not. I just want us to be on the same page.”
Casualstill sounded like a rotten word scraping at Jonah’s skin. He didn’t know how to be casual. He didn’t know the lines of it, the blocking, or the stage directions. But he wanted Dexter, he wanted to feel his mouth on him again, he wanted to kiss him, because fuck it, he’d somehow annoyingly grown to like the guy.
Jonah placed down his half-drunk tea and stepped closer to Dexter, running his fingers down his arm slowly. “We are on the same page,” he said, lying but knowing he could get to the book Dexter read from. It might just take some time. “And I think it would be rude to leave now when you had the intention of taking me upstairs to fuck me. That is what you said, isn’t it?”
Dexter closed his eyes for a moment before looking back at Jonah again. “And you said you weren’t a booty call.”
“Booty calls never include tea.”
Dexter kissed him, the movement quick, hungry, and Jonah kissed him back, hands cupping his cheeks as Dexter wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer. “Thank fuck for tea,” Dexter said against his lips, and Jonah would create a river of tea if it meant Dexter would kiss him like that forever. No. Forever and casual didn’t mix. For now, casual would have to do.
Twenty-Two
“I’m yours, and I always will be.”
—“Eternity,”The Wooden Horse, Act Two
The Oxford dictionary definescasualas relaxed and unconcerned, not regular or permanent. Jonah knew because he googled it. He stared at the words and couldn’t match any of them to the not-relationship he had with Dexter. The first reason being thatrelaxedandunconcernedwere foreign words in the theatre industry. Jonah would have liked to think of himself as totally Zen and laid-back, but reality showed he was actually highly-strung and neurotic, and the same went for Dexter, who didn’t stop thinking or analyzing everything around him for a single second. The second reason came from the fact that they were having sex whenever they could, which didn’t fit in with thenot regularpart of the definition.Not permanent, however, seemed to be the only aspect Jonah could agree with. But Dexter fit into his life so seamlessly, and to think he might one day not be there made Jonah’s palms sweat in the most unnerving way, because Dexter was still a complete and utter prick.
They sniped at each other often. Little comments here and there, and Jonah couldn’t stop the tiny voice in his head telling him that Dexter’s relentless performance feedback came not from a gentle ribbing but from a desire to actually get under his skin. The unknown terrified him, and knowing things were happening behind the scenes at the theatre made his stomach tie itself in knots. He couldn’t shake the preconceptions he had of Dexter before they knew each other, the idea of him, the rival, andalthough they lessened with each day, Dexter still somehow added new levels of anxiety to their relationship.
For example, Dexter didn’t want anyone to know about them. It came out of nowhere, a casual remark before a show, and it felt to Jonah like Dexter had stabbed him directly in the chest.
“I just think with things being casual, we should keep it between us. I know Bastien knows, but no one else.” He didn’t ask if Jonah agreed, he simply stated the rule, and Jonah didn’t want to say that, actually, Sherrie and Omari both knew they were sleeping together as well.
“I don’t want to be a dirty secret, Dex.”
