Page 21 of Rescuing Josiah
That touch was everything he craved and everything he couldn’t have.
She knew now. There was no going back. Chelsea knew that he had lost part of his sanity out there in the sand, surroundedby his teammates’ bodies. There was no way she would ever be able to look at him the same way again.
No longer able to see him as anything other than a ball of rage contained by flesh and bones.
“Get out,” he roared.
The hand withdrew, and a moment later, he heard the door close behind him. Josiah would have sworn he also heard a whispered apology from Chelsea before she disappeared, and that she would apologize to him when he was the one in the wrong filled him with remorse.
Without thinking, he slammed his hand into the mirror, glass shards raining down around him as dozens of small cuts began to leak blood.
Good.
He deserved to hurt for hurting Chelsea.
The phone he still clutched in his other hand buzzed to indicate a voicemail, and because he wanted to punish himself, he unlocked his cell and tapped on the voice message.
“You better not have hurt that poor girl, Josiah Darren Fleet. She didn't do anything wrong, and you know better than to raise your voice like that. I raised you better than that. So help me, if you do not reply to me right now, I am calling your boss, demanding your location, and driving straight over there to put you over my knee. I don’t care that you're bigger than me now. It’s bad enough you ignore your own family, but yelling at that poor, sweet girl is just unacceptable.”
His mom was right, of course. Once again, he’d allowed his fear to explode on Chelsea, who absolutely did not deserve it. Of all the people in his life, she was the one who made a constant effort to try to get closer to him. Yeah, his parents and brothers called often, but it was Chelsea he saw day in and day out, who got to him more than he would ever admit with each kind word and soft smile.
Because he had no doubt his mom would follow through on her threat, he typed out a quick text. Talking to her wasn't something he could handle, and if he called with the intention of leaving a voicemail, she would pick up the call, so text it was.
Of course I didn't hurt her
Chelsea is fine
But
Although the idea left him trembling, he knew he owed her an apology.
More than that.
An explanation.
It might not be easy, but she had twice this morning been the recipient of his anger, and he didn't like knowing he’d scared her. Just because he hadn't put his hands on her didn't mean that he hadn't inflicted damage.
Damage he was responsible for fixing.
I owe her an apology
Which I will give her
Actually, he owed more than just Chelsea an apology. His entire family deserved one, but he wasn't in a place yet where he could face them. He loved them, and he couldn’t put them in danger by placing himself back in their lives.
I’ll be waiting for my apology as well
I still like roses
And chocolate
I love you, son
And I'm still here when you're ready
We all are
His mother’s words made his eyes sting with tears he wouldn't allow to fall. He didn't deserve her kindness, her love, not after everything he’d already put her through.
