Page 34 of Rescuing Josiah
Only once her breathing evened out and she drifted off to sleep did he allow himself one moment of weakness. Touching his lips to the top of her head, he swept a hand down her back, tracing the length of her spine. “Thank you for not giving up on me when I've already given up on myself,” he whispered.
May 15th
8:10 A.M.
“Thanks for trusting me last night,” Chelsea said, turning from the stove where she was cooking up bacon and eggs for breakfast once she heard Josiah enter the kitchen.
Since she was looking at him, she saw how he froze, got that deer caught in the headlights sort of look that told her he was both uncomfortable, but trusting her more without even realizing it because he hadn't filtered out his expressions. Instead, he’d let them play out across his face, something he wouldn't have allowed even as recently as yesterday.
His subconscious was beginning to trust her even if his conscious mind hadn't.
Progress.
Small but there nonetheless and she loved it.
Even if Josiah never fell in love with her, and honestly, despite the fact they were growing closer, she still didn't see it happening, at least he could walk away from this undercover operation with a reminder that he had friends. Feeling all alone and actually being all alone were two totally different things, and Josiah had an entire team at his back, all he had to do was turn around and see them.
“Trusting you with what?” he asked, starting to move again. He came to the stove, nudged her out of the way, and nodded toward the table, which she took as an indication that he wanted to take over cooking breakfast.
“You slept beside me,” she explained. Sex with Josiah had been everything she’d known it would be, but the fact that he’d agreed to sleep in the bed with her for the remainder of the night was even better. Another indication he was starting to trust her.
Plus, there was what he’d whispered to her when he thought she’d fallen asleep.
Thank you for not giving up on me when I've already given up on myself.
She’d been right on the cusp of sleep when those words had filtered through her mind and settled in her heart. She would never give up on him, and that wasn't contingent on him ever falling in love with her. After everything he had been through, hedeserved to have someone who was unconditionally on his side, no matter what.
“You asked,” he said with a shrug, trying to brush it off, act like it wasn't a big deal, but she knew that it was a big deal. For both of them.
“I’m glad you remembered to put on clothes after your shower,” she teased, not wanting to dwell on the heavy stuff. The more she drew it to Josiah’s attention, the more time he was going to spend trying to talk himself out of believing in her.
A laugh came from the stove, and she froze.
Laughter.
Real laughter.
She’d known Josiah for years now, and she had never once heard him laugh. Not like this, not all free and genuine.
Tears blurred her eyes as she stared at him. How badly she wanted him to be able to move on from the past. It would always be there, he would always miss his team, always feel anger at what had happened to them, likely always feel some survivor’s guilt for living when the rest of them had died. But he didn't have to revolve his entire life around his loss. He could be happy, find joy, maybe even find love one day, with her or with someone else.
“I don’t think I like the idea of the rest of our team getting a look at how … impressive … you are,” she added with a giggle of her own, wanting to soak in this carefree moment because she didn't know when or even if the next one was coming.
There was actual amusement sparking in his dark eyes when he turned to carry two plates piled high with eggs and bacon to the table. “Definitely don’t want that. Wouldn't want to make Ava and Teresa feel bad about what they got stuck with. Isabella either.”
Chelsea’s mouth fell open.
Not only had he laughed, but he was making jokes.
This version of Josiah made her fall in love with him all over again. If she’d thought he was handsome when he was all serious or scowling, seeing him like this, smiling and relaxed, he was drop-dead gorgeous.
“I think I definitely was the winner,” she agreed.
A little of the joy seeped out of him, worry clouding in. “Chelsea, remember I?—”
“Shh,” she hushed, picking up her fork and digging into her meal. “I know. I don’t have any expectations, Josiah, so don’t go putting pressure on yourself that isn’t coming from me. You know how I feel, but you also know I would never want you to do anything you don’t want to do. If you don’t ever love me back, I've made peace with it. I still enjoy your company, still want to be your friend, and still will always be here for you.”
After a pause, he gave a single nod, then took his seat at the table, and they ate in companionable silence. They didn't need to talk, she was busy soaking up Josiah’s company, and she was sure he was busy having an internal debate with himself about whether or not he should be sitting at the table with her.
