Page 6 of Rescuing Josiah
“Sorry.”
The smile slid off her face, and Josiah immediately regretted his harsh words. It wasn't that he wanted to hurt Chelsea. The opposite in fact. He liked her more than he wanted to, he just knew he could never allow anything to happen between them.
No one was ever going to get close to him again.
The pain of losing someone …
Damn, it had almost killed him to lose his entire team in one fell swoop, and if he ever had to go through anything like that again, there was no doubt about what it would do to him. It would kill him. Simple as that.
Still, hurting Chelsea … it left a bitter taste in his mouth. She was the absolute personification of good, sweet, pure, andinnocent. She was an angel, and touching her would destroy her. He’d destroy her. Because while she was an angel, he was the devil. His darkness would smother her light, and he couldn’t let that happen to her. One day, she’d get over her crush on him and find someone who could love her like she deserved, and there was no way he intended to corrupt her and steal her chance at happiness.
“We should get our bags unpacked, and then I’ll cook us some dinner,” Chelsea said. Although the light in her eyes had dimmed, he saw her determination to not let his bad attitude ruin hers.
If she were anyone else, she would have gotten sick and tired of that bad attitude of his long before now. She would have wiped him out of her mind, been polite with him at work, but nothing more.
Only this woman didn't know how to not care about others.
Angel. There was no other way to describe her.
“We’re not sharing a bed,” he said abruptly. The thought of lying beside her, all her soft skin on display, so close, so tempting, and knowing he could have another dream and hurt her worse than he’d done earlier was too much for him.
“O-okay,” she stammered. “I guess you could take one of the other bedrooms then. I know you’ll want to be a floor below me in case they try anything, then they’ll have to go through you to get to me.”
“No,” he growled. That was a much better idea, certainly a smarter one, but for some crazy reason, he couldn’t stand the idea of that much distance between them. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“Oh, no, that won't be comfortable. There’s probably a couch or something up there. Or we could order you an air mattress if you don’t want to share the bed.”
“We’re supposed to be in love and newly married, I don’t think an air mattress popping up on our credit cards sends that message.”
“They don’t have access to that kind of stuff, they’re not us,” Chelsea said, so brimming with confidence. “They get their medical information through moles at hospitals, but they don’t have the same resources as Prey does. They’d never know, and I don’t want you sleeping on the floor.”
Josiah merely grunted, and when his phone rang, he yanked it out of his back pocket.
The name on the screen was one of his brothers, he had three, one older, two younger, and he hadn't spoken to any of them since his team was killed. Didn't stop them from calling, though, damn stubborn family. Didn't they get by now that he didn't want to talk to or see them?
“You can answer that if you want,” Chelsea said, heading for the stairs. “I’ll start putting away my clothes, then I’ll cook dinner.”
“Ice your wrist first,” he snapped. If she thought she was doing a good job of hiding from him that he’d hurt her earlier, she was sorely mistaken.
“Oh, uh, yeah, sure, good idea. It’s not too sore, though, you didn't hurt it too much, and you were right, I knew better than to touch you when you were having a bad dream.” Her expression was apologetic, like she was the one who had hurt him rather than it being the other way around. She was right, she shouldn’t have touched him. But she was also right when she’d said earlier that she didn't know what else to do.
In the end, it was his fault for falling asleep waiting for their appointment. Over the years, he’d gotten used to not having a regular sleep schedule. Usually, he took short naps a few times throughout the day rather than sleeping through the night. It kept him in a near constant state of one step away fromexhaustion, but it was the only way he knew how to live these days.
Watching as Chelsea hurried up the stairs, he found he couldn’t take his eyes off her. What the hell had Eagle been thinking, okaying this plan? Didn't he get that Chelsea was too innocent, too naïve to do an undercover operation like this? She didn't have the ruthlessness needed to be able to play a character under pressure, knowing that one single slip-up could end your life. She should be tucked away at Prey, protected and safe, not here with him, walking willingly into the lion’s den.
The phone in his hand had stopped ringing, but it buzzed with a voice message, and he sighed.
He already knew what the message would say.
Usually, he would ignore them, delete them straight away, but today he found his finger bringing up the voicemail. Tonight he needed to suffer a little, he’d hurt Chelsea, been rude and angry with her when all she’d ever been with him was kind and caring. Hurting her to keep her away was necessary, but it never felt good.
Today, it felt particularly bad.
Holding the phone to his ear, when his brother’s voice—his brother’sangryvoice—came from the phone, his knees wobbled a little. Hearing from anyone in his family was a double-edged sword. He still loved them, of course, but he couldn’t let them back into his life. Cutting them out kept him in control. It meant that losing them wouldn't hurt so badly. His parents were getting older, sooner or later, they’d pass away, and he needed to know he could handle it without falling apart.
No one realized what a tightrope he walked each day, how close to a catastrophic breakdown he really was.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Josiah? How could you be so selfish? Six years. Six years you’ve refused to see us, to speak to us. I know you went through hell, man, but punishing yourfamily because of it is crazy. Josh was married this weekend, and you weren't there for it. Another family milestone missed, and Mom is heartbroken. She wants her baby boy back. You're killing her, I hope you know that. That’s it. We’re all married now except you. No more weddings for you to attend, no way to make it up to Mom for her broken family. If I didn't love you, I would hate you. Call Mom. Please. You want us to beg, I'm begging. Call Mom.”
