Page 53 of Sergei
But I did care what she thought.
I cared too fucking much.
Her eyes lingered on Viktor for a moment, and I saw it. The hesitation. The need. She wanted to talk to him, and the only way that was going to happen was for me to choke on my own fucking pride. I clenched my jaw and straightened my back before turning my attention back to Viktor. “You two should talk.”
The look I gave him wasn’t a request. It was a warning not to cross the line. His expression softened, and I took that as my cue to turn and head for my office. I walked past Lina, and she didn’t try to stop me. She just stood there with a somber expression and watched as I disappeared from the room.
I closed the door, and the silence that followed was unbearable. And then, I heard them talking. Their voices rambled through the walls, but they were too muffled for me to hear what was being said. But it was clear enough to gut me when I heard the cadence of Viktor’s grief and the softness of her replies.
I sat there, listening to every murmur and gasp, and I was hit with a profound realization. I was afraid. Not of Viktor. Not of the bratva or the blood that stained my hands. But this thing with her and Viktor got me.
I didn’t want to lose her.
Hell, the thought rattled me worse than any bullet ever could.
She wasn’t mine, but the idea of her walking out that door with Viktor, or anyone else, made my chest ache. This wasn’t lust or protectiveness or some half-assed sense of duty. It was much more than that. This was me realizing that, right or wrong, I would cross whatever line I had to cross to make her mine.
And God help anyone who tried to stand in my way.
18
ALINA
“Idon’t know how we got here.”
“You’re telling me.”
“I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Nothing for you to be sorry about. None of this was your fault.”
“I should’ve done something.” Viktor’s voice was strained. “I knew that bastard was no good. I should’ve never let you marry him.”
“You didn’t have a choice. Neither of us did.”
“I could’ve put a fucking bullet in his head. Then, he wouldn’t have had a chance to hurt you.”
“It’s done now.” I reached over and placed my hand on his knee. “I’m okay.”
The words came out steadier than I actually felt. Inside, I was a complete mess. My heart was racing with a mix of fear and regret, and it didn’t help matters that there was so much I couldn’t say. Not to Viktor. Not to anyone. He covered my hand with his and let out a breath.
“I missed you. I didn’t realize how much until I thought you were gone.” He ran his hand roughly down his throat. “Stuff like that doesn’t usually get to me, but this…”
“I’m really sorry.”
For reasons I never really understood, he’d taken a liking to me when we were kids. Maybe it was pity, or maybe it was simple boredom, but he’d always been good to me. He let me follow him around and pester him whenever my heart desired.
But as kind as his attention might’ve been, I never felt drawn to him. I never felt the urge to kiss him or slip my hand into his. That kind of chemistry simply wasn’t there. That didn’t mean I didn’t love him. I did. I loved him the way you love your best friend or your brother.
It wasn’t always easy with him. There were times when he was hard to reach. His walls weren’t as obvious as Sergei’s, but they were there. He was matter of fact about things. It was either right or wrong. There was rarely any middle ground. Sometimes I admired that. Others, it frustrated the hell out of me. But that was Viktor.
Stubbornly steady and lovingly dependable.
A part of me ached with guilt over the fact that I couldn’t give him what he’d given me, and I could never love him the way he loved me.
A tear trickled down my cheek as I told him, “I wish there was some way I could’ve let you know.”
“That’s not you.” Viktor glanced over at the office door. “That was all Sergei. He could’ve told me.”
