Page 34 of White Rabbit
I struggled, still trying to get away from him. His iron-like forearm pinned me in place while I clawed at the blankets, my traitorous core already softening for him. What was wrong with me?
“You… You… You just…killed him.Right in front of me,” I screamed.
“I did,” he panted, holding me in place, his glans notched to me, testing him. “For you. That was revenge for you.”
“No,” I moaned.
His arm tightened.
“Did you have feelings for him, still? Did you want him?” he demanded.
“No. I never did. Not even once.”
I only loved this dark man holding me in his unrelenting grasp, Valariy, mypakhan, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how this was my life. I didn’t know how I could be with him and not be a captive or a victim just as I’d always been.
My face dropped into the blankets. “I just… I don’t know how to do this.”
But I could lose myself and let Valariy fuck me into oblivion for a little while. That…I could do. Because God help me, it was probably wrong of me. I craved his cock and how he mad me feel.
I canted my his to ease his entry and pushed back against him, both of us groaning as we became one again. That single silent welcome on my part was all it took and Valariy was fucking me until I was screaming in the blankets, writhing from the sharp bolts of pleasure surging through me. And he came, conquering me, claiming me again, owning me.
Afterward, I curled into a ball on the bed and stared at him while he redressed, not looking at me. He’d made his point and now he was getting back to his business. He had a body to dispose of and—
Oh, God, he still had blood spattering him. And he’d… And we’d…
I squeezed my eyes shut against the dizzying spiral.
I won’t be a victim again.
I won’t be a victim again.
I won’t!
I’d been a victim of circumstances with my family.
A victim of lies at the hospital where I’d worked.
And of more lies from evil men who’d planned to use me at the Rusty Spike.
Then to Rad…to the way he’d used me, made me his slave and abused me.
I was more than that. I was worthy of so much more than that. I was more than a body in another man’s bed, but I didn’t know how to prove that or how to claim autonomy I’d never really had but desperately craved.
“Get dressed,” Valariy said, as I heard him turn the doorknob. When I opened my eyes, he still wasn’t looking at me. The weight of the last fifteen minutes hung like a dark cloud between us. “I’m taking you to his apartment so you can get your things…if there’s anything you want.”
Anything I wanted? Yes, there definitely was. I didn’t know if I’d use my means of escape I’d begun to build, but I would take comfort in having the gateway close at hand.
Chapter 19
Brecklyn
The old, musty smell of Rad’s apartment building mixed with onions and cabbage from one of the apartments on the first floor, brought me back to the February day he’d hauled me here two years ago. After whatever transaction he’d negotiated with the Rusty Spike, he’d taken me up to my room there to get my things. When I’d begged him to let me go, to just leave the club, he’d thrown me on the bed and showed me what life would be like with him.
Not unlike an hour ago with Valariy, but so much different, since thepakhanhad waited for my concession and my reluctant willingness.
Afterward, Rad had shoved my meager belongings into a bag and dragged me from the club, half naked and sobbing through an ice storm.
I had a winter coat now and I pulled it tight around me, shrinking into myself.
