Page 39 of White Rabbit
“Ouch.”
I looked up to find that it was Danik who’d sat beside me, and he’d been reading over my shoulder.
“This is private.”
“I’d say. But what are you going to do.”
“Bring her back.”
His lips pursed. “You think that will work. Kidnap her back here. Lock her in your proverbial tower. Give her books. Maybe knock her up?”
My teeth ground when he named all the things that had landed top on my list. I knew he was right, though. None of those would make her happy. Not on their own.
“Did you find her yet?” I asked. Maks and he had 24/7 software running with name, ID, and face recognition programs to try to locate her.
“Nothing yet. What are you going to do?” he asked, his tone quiet and lacking any of his usual joking.
I stared at the Christmas tree between the stairwells, knowing I probably wouldn’t celebrate the holiday this year. Not when my woman was in the wind and vulnerable to God knew what.
My head dropped forward in my hands, crushing the letter.
“I don’t know. Keep trying to find her. Keep running our organization.” I shot to my feet, refusing to be more vulnerable, and strode toward my office. “Keep me updated.”
Chapter 22
Brecklyn
“Anything else?” I asked, as I poured the Mr. Fraser the billionth cup of coffee for the day.
“I think this is it,” the retired man told me. “The missus’ll come track me down if I don’t get home for farm chores soon.”
“Don’t want that,” I said, patting him on the shoulder. The last time she’d tracked him down that way had been three months ago, during my first week, and she’d dragged him out by the collar, with a quiet ‘Excuse me’to me. Then she’d yelled at him on the sidewalk for a good fifteen minutes.
“Sure as hell don’t—excuse my language,” he said as I headed over to wrap silverware before the dinner rush, which really wouldn’t be that much of a rush at all by big city standards.
I had to grin. Life in a small town, deep in the bible belt, was very different from in a big city. Slower. More polite in ways. The regulars atMom’s Kitchenknew everything about everyone else. Mostly. They were all still trying to figure me out.
Heck, I was trying to figure myself out.
Waiting tables, getting paid under the table, wasn’t my purpose in life, but it was something. I still wished I was treating patients again. I missed even taking the most boring of medical histories. But being a friendly face to the diner’s patron…it was something.
Sometimes, though… Sometimes, I regretted waylaying Nikita that morning in December and asking her to take me into the city to get a gift for Valariy for Christmas. I’d figured she’d be easy to ditch while I pretended to look for his gift. Instead, she’d ditched me. I didn’t look for her, and she probably didn’t realize she’d done me a favor.
Immediately, I slipped out of the store and headed for the bus station. I mailed the letter to Valariy on my way there, wanting it to come from home and not someplace that would give him a clue where to track me down.
Then I’d boarded a bus. And left everything behind. Everything he’d given me. His twisted brand of love. My heart…
My hand settled over my belly. Actually, I had brought something with me without knowing it. When I lost myself in the middle of Nowhere, US, to start over, I hadn’t realized I was pregnant. When I found out, I sobbed—both happy and broken hearted.
Starting over wouldn’t heal my heart. I did what I had to do, but it hurt as if I’d been pulled apart and I’d left half of myself behind.
I’d picked up the phone a million times to call him. To tell him we were having a baby. To tell him I missed him. To ask him to come get me. But…I didn’t have his number. It had been programmed into the cell phone I left behind, but I’d never known it.
Alone in my rented room at the long-stay motel where I could also pay cash, I curled in a ball on the lumpy, caved in mattress and wondered what to do about the baby growing inside me.
I was keeping it—no question there.
But could I do this on my own? Should I try harder to contact Valariy. I longed to hear his voice. I followed the memory of his voice into my sleep each night, just like he was a white rabbit guiding me into Wonderland.
