Page 203 of Indulge
Inside, the candles flicker against tall pillars, the sunlight filtering through stained glass like colored smoke.
The same light that once turned her laughter into something holy now paints her in shades of gold and red.
I can’t breathe. A wedding I once thought I’d never care about now feels like the only thing I’ll ever want.
At the altar, she turns, motioning for us to sit in the front pew. She stands before us, steady but shaking inside.
“You both get one question,” she says softly. “Ask wisely. I’ll answer with brutal honesty—with witnesses.”
She nods toward the painted ceiling.
I almost laugh at that, at her trying to make heaven a co-conspirator.
“Reggie.” Her gaze locks onto mine.
I clear my throat. The question forms before I can stop it the one I’ve buried since the start.
“What happened with your ex-boyfriend?” I ask quietly. “What did he do that made you hesitate about sharing yourself with us both?”
Her face pales. Rowan tenses beside me. I don’t know if he’s ever heard the story.
Maybe no one has.
99
BELLA
Song- Bird Set Free, Sia
Their eyes are on me. One twin worried, one twin burning.
I gave Reggie a little piece of my past when we met. I’d made little comments. I knew one day, he’d want the truth. But I kept this part from Rowan. Not for any reason, just because I didn’t want to taint what we had with my past.
For a moment, I want to run. Then I realize… this is why I brought them here. To stop running.
I nod slowly. “Okay.”
“My ex… he was my first real love. Or at least, I thought he was.” I take a shaky breath. “I did everything to make him happy. Stopped seeing my friends, skipped classes, made my life revolve around his. And then, over time, he started to change. To test how far he could push me.”
Reggie’s jaw tightens. Rowan’s knuckles go white.
“He’d tell me love was about giving. About proving loyalty. And he’d—” My voice catches. “He’d make me do things I didn’t want to do. Made me feel like I was his to share. His to break.”
I swallow hard, the words tasting like bile. “He used to get his friends involved. Men and women. And he’d tell me that it’s because he loves me; he wanted his friends to experience me, too. His enjoyment was watching me be enjoyed.”
I lock eyes with Reggie. “That’s how I discovered my sexuality in a way. Being with women was my preference in that situation. I felt safer. And, after it ended, I still felt the same way. That men will only hurt me. But women saw me as more than just a toy to fuck.”
Rowan blows out a breath.
“I told myself it was love, that it was normal. But it wasn’t. It was control. I-I thought that was what I had to do to keep him happy. It didn’t happen all the time, and I’d almost forget. But I felt nothing doing it. In the end, I resented it. I resented him.”
Tears blur my vision. “And then one night, he threw it all back in my face. He told me he was sleeping with one of my best friends, for months, and that it was okay because I’d been fucked by his friends.”
I stop. The silence between us is unbearable.
Before I can blink, both of them are up. Rowan wrapping his arms around me from behind, Reggie’s hand finding the back of my neck as he tucks me against his chest.
Their warmth hits like a tidal wave, and for the first time in years, I don’t feel small.
