Page 93 of Receiving His Mercy
“Um, he didn’t mention that part.”
Rory winced. “I can’t believe Mom. I told her where I was going in the note I left. Plus, I’d talked about coming here with her. But when I left she decided to create this drama. Gray and Lacey were actually going to return from their honeymoon early because they were so worried. I feel terrible.”
“Hey, it’s not your fault. Sounds like your mother is to blame.”
“I know she’s trying her best to look out for me. She’s worried about something happening to me again. All she wants is to keep me safe, but the constant watching me, asking me where I am and what I’m doing, the stories of everything bad that is happening in the world. It’s just too much. It was sucking me down into a dark place. I don’t want to go back there. I fought my way out of there. I can’t go back.” There was panic in Rory’s voice.
Caren placed her hand over the younger woman’s. “I get that. It’s difficult to drag yourself out of a dark place. You need help to do it. I think it would be near impossible on your own.”
“I’m talking to a therapist and she’s helping me a lot.” Rory studied her with knowing eyes “You sound like you’re talking from experience.”
Caren sighed. “I didn’t have the best childhood and it took me a long time to work through all of that with some help from an amazing therapist. I would blame myself. I called myself stupid and worthless. And I had coping mechanisms that weren’t all together healthy. But I got help and I had an amazing grandma who supported me. Things got really good for me. I felt so in control of my life. Turns out, the universe just wanted to mess me around as eight months ago something happened that threatened to throw me back into that dark place. And I’ve just realized I probably shouldn’t have said any of that. I was trying to help and that wasn’t helpful.”
What was she thinking? She didn’t want Rory to start imagining all the ways things could go wrong. That she could feel like her life was together only for something else to happen.
Shit.
Lacey was going to kill her.
“No, no. Don’t feel bad for telling me that. I know that bad things can happen and that I’ve got to learn better coping mechanisms. It just felt like with Mom around . . . well, in thebeginning it was good because I could fall apart and she just took care of everything. But when I was ready to start moving forward, she was holding me back. And I know it's a horrible thing to think about your mother, however I just needed some space.”
“It’s not horrible. And if you explain it to her, well, she should want to help you however she can.”
Rory gave her a small smile. “You don’t know my mom. I don’t know if she can accept that I need a different sort of help than what she can give me. That’s why I’ve moved across the country.”
“This is where you feel you have to be?”
“I know it seems crazy since this is where my nightmare started. But yeah, it feels like coming back here is therapeutic in a way.”
“Okay, but you’re still talking to a therapist about all of this, right?”
“Yep. I’m still seeing my old therapist, but over video.”
“That’s good. I just want you to know that if you need anything, I’m here. Okay? I mean, I know we don’t know each other well, but . . . I don’t have any friends here so if you ever want one . . . bollocks, I sound like a lonely old lady, don’t I?”
“I’d like another friend,” Rory told her. “I lost most of mine after ghosting them for so long. And I don’t know anyone here but Travis and his brothers. Well, and now the people who work at Raptor Inc, but the only other woman there is terrifying. Terrifying,” she repeated.
“Yay. That’s awesome. Well not the terrifying part, that’s scary. Travis told me that you’re working for him now.”
“Yeah, I think he felt like he had to give me the job, but I’ll be a great employee. I’m just trying to convince him and Jace to let me go to the club. Oh, do you know about the club?”
“I do,” she said, deciding not to ask if there was something between her and Jace. He seemed protective but maybe they were just friends. “I was thinking of joining it but I’m slightly nervous.”
Not exactly nervous.
Well, maybe if Travis was going to be there . . . watching her.
“Do you want to go with me?” she asked.
Relief filled Rory’s face. “I’d like that. I feel like I have to go back and relive that night with a different ending, you know?”
“I think I do. Just so long as you realize it won’t actually rewrite history in your head. Unfortunately, what happened won’t ever go away. You just have to learn to live with it . . . but eventually things will get better.”
“I sure hope so,” Rory said. “What about you? Do you have someone to talk to? Looking out for you when you need it?”
“I’ve been seeing a therapist again, but I took a break when I moved here, and I think that was a mistake.”
Rory nodded. “Mom tried to tell me that I didn’t need therapy anymore, however Gray was footing the bill, so I kept going.”
